Well nobody else was doing anything! They've been pulling this shit all over town, and everyone just lets it happen. If I see Wayne replacing destroyed missing posters for a guy that is never coming home even one more time, I swear I'm going to lose it.
( it is funny, actually, how much deja vu is happening right now. just, this isn't the way the conversation went, last time. he was the one insisting they had to lay low, she was the one desperate to get the truth out, somehow.
and just like then, they're both wrong, and they're both right. it feels so goddamn bad, on both sides of the fence. he understands that Nancy a little better, what feels like a lifetime ago. trying not to cry in the library as he hopelessly tried to move the goalposts until she'd feel okay again. and having no clue how to actually get her there.
it's enough to take the wind out of his sails. and in his attempts for Nancy not to worry, it seems he just made her worry worse. I need you or we need you is about the same difference, really. even if he was right, in a sense, going in blind and angry to fight a fight nobody asked him to champion is hurting more than it is helping. literally, his face hurts so much. )
Okay, Nancy. All right. I get it. No more fights with shitstains in letterman jackets, okay? You're right, it isn't worth it.
[ it hits her right around the same time, the deja vu that actually aches a little? which is why some time passes before she sends anything back. rehab-ing asshole kids one punch at a time isn't important to her, but getting closure for eddie's uncle is. getting closure for anyone who lost someone during all of this is. and so is destroying the thing that caused all this hurt to begin with.
she knows exactly what it's like to feel like some kind of- raw livewire, almost, from feeling too many things, too much, all at once. ( it's like everyone forgot, it's like nobody cares. except for her parents ... it's destroying them... ) and then being told that now isn't the time to confront that, and it might not ever be ( but there's nothing we can do about it ). even knowing the intentions behind it were good, it still feels pretty fucking terrible. so. ]
You know I'm not saying all of this because I don't think it's important. Right? You know that. Finding a way to clear Eddie's name is something I've been thinking about just as much as finding a way to stop that army of monsters from coming through those rifts. And making sure people realize how fucked up it was to make him the enemy of the entire town when he didn't do ANYthing wrong, that's important to me, too.
But nobody else knows how much worse this can really get. It's just us. Which means we're the ones that get stuck dealing with the bigger picture, instead of getting the chance to actually deal with anything else. So all of that shitty frustration and anger? Keep it. Just redirect it. For now. Please.
I know. ( of course he knows. Nancy has never met an injustice she'll just accept at face value. if anyone can find a way to clear Eddie's name, it's Nancy — there's just bigger fish to fry, right now, and that sucks too.
Steve doesn't think that teenagers formerly at Jason's beck and call are irredeemable but it's also fair that he isn't responsible for trying to make them be less shitty. in fact that is something every popular asshole has to more or less decide on their own. come against something they aren't willing to let slide, and get lost in the landslide of all the things they shouldn't have stood back and watched, hoping they'd never end up the target.
the fact Nancy needed some time gave Steve some time to get his ice, as recommended. texting with an icepack balanced on his head isn't easy, but he's just persistent that way. )
I'm sorry. I'll let it go if I see it again. ( is it so wrong to hope wailing on a teenager means it won't? maybe less wrong and more unlikely. ) Ice officially applied to face. See?
( if texting was awkward with ice balanced on his face, taking a selfie to show off the fact he's using an ice pack while also giving a thumbs up should be impossible. but he manages!!! Maybe it's a little blurry. his ice is directly plonked in a ziplock, no towel, but... hey, at least it's ice!! Nancy won't be able to see much of the injury, since there's an ice pack on it. just a hint of green going angry under the ice. the rest of his face is fine, though, so it was indeed as promised — far from the worst his face has ever looked. )
I've been ripping them down as I see them. And if the asshole that was messing with it happens to still be nearby, I usually make sure to be extra deliberate about it. It's not as satisfying as actually telling them off, but yeah. Bigger obstacles.
[ the picture makes her smile, even though it is pretty blurry, and both and the camera and the ice are very strategically angled in a way that prevents her from seeing if he has a big bruise around his eye or not. ... for the best, really, because she would just end up fussing over him even more if she did see it. which... would be bad? right? although admittedly, saving that photo to her camera roll isn't all that casual or subtle, but she's doing it without thinking twice anyway.
also it's takes an insane amount of control not to call him an idiot, because she can't, because she knows he'd read/hear it in that same enamored tone that she could never seem to control back when they were dating. a tone that, quite honestly, is reserved for him and only him. it's just- not a tone that anybody's inspired her to use since, that's all. so. technically speaking, it's just his. ]
Wow, check you out! I'm really loving that look on you. The look that includes you actually icing your injuries, not the "I just got into a scuffle" look. [ she's a FILTHY liar because she's thought to herself more than once that steve might be the only person that can wear a split lip and still look very cute. but that's here nor there. ] I think it's also worth noting that that might've been the quickest you've ever done something as soon as I asked you to, because I knew it would help. But hey, fair warning, if you're not careful you might accidentally activate my otherwise mostly-in-check ego, and I can be very bossy. And demanding. Practically a tyrant. You thought this was bad? I'd spend wayyy more time bullying you to look out for yourself as much as you look out for everyone else.
[ surprising no one, even when given a perfect opening for it ( like that selfie ), nancy's not actually all that great at shifting the tone of any given conversation to something more lighthearted than it was a second ago. but like! she's trying! she's making jokes! while like, also making it obvious there's that underlying worry. it's fine. ]
Edited (fixes, now that it's not 3am!! ) Date: 2022-07-27 03:14 pm (UTC)
( the fastest he's ever responded to something she's asked, that is. Steve will drag his feet with non choice tasks, like studying, or putting ice on his face. that said, he's happy to jump right to certain requests, like take your pants off or touch me. those were also requests that helped him! okay!
there's also pg-13 things he's done without much whining. that's what he meant by that, for sure. )
I'll keep that in mind. I don't want you stealing my thing, we really can't have you be the bossy worrier and I'm the one making the plan to save the world. It'd never work.
( not that someone worrying about him is bad. kinda nice, actually — since he's used to licking his wounds on his own, a lot of the time. )
[ it's funny, because of course she wants to argue, because her mind goesn't go to the dirty examples first, so she'd love to point out some key examples of all the times he'd stall and stall and stall when she'd point out how there were important, or at least semi-important, things they should have been doing. usually school stuff. but that of course leads to "well what was she telling him he needs to stop doing so he could start doing the responsible thing?" and. well. it's not like they were just sitting around doing nothing. ... okay sometimes they did sit around and do nothing, but it was usually a very deliberate choice. very much in the vein of steve realizing she needed a break from working, for her own sanity, so he'd find a way to get her on the couch and just chill out. but that's totally not what came to mind just now, no.
soooo yeah, as much as she loves being right and making a point, she loves not making things awkward even more. so. ]
Alright, fair. One of the fastest, then. Top three, at least.
Oh, yeah. I supposed that is kind of your thing already, isn't it? Although I can't say I've ever thought of you as "bossy" before. More like... assertive, maybe? When you need to be? As in... when shit hits the fan, as it tends to do more often than not in Hawkins. It's probably why you were captain of the basketball team. And the baseball team. And the swim team. Co-captain. Same thing. It's just not really being "bossy" when people already want to listen to you. And Dustin might be a total pain in the ass about it sometimes, but he looks to you just as much as anybody else.
There might actually be room for two worriers, and two leaders, is my point.
( ... has Nancy been drinking with her mom again??? where does this stuff keep coming from? his list of sporty accomplishments don't mean much now, out of school, except for when he's insisting everyone should stay in the boat and let him swim for Watergate. and they all managed to reach it anyway so it wasn't that big a deal he went first anyway!! )
I can lead stuff I understand. Swimming and basketball and baseball. I don't get this Upside Down stuff. I don't know if I ever will. I still feel like I did that first time, sometimes. Panicking and wondering what the hell is going on. I can't lead with this like you can. You see things I don't see. You just get things faster. That stuff with Victor Creel, I never... that was decades ago! But you just. Knew. And you were right. Not like Dustin, either. With science, and compasses and magnetic fields, and ... and making the pieces fit together. It's crazy how smart that kid is.
I'm not like that, but I can try and keep people in one piece. And herd them from the active danger if possible. That I understand. I'm okay sticking to my strengths.
So I guess I should just check in with you if I think scaring one of Jason's goons straight is a good idea. Could have saved me a black eye. If you're really determined to be the leader and a worrier, there probably is room for two of us doing that.
[ there's a rebuttal right there, ready to go, just waiting to be typed. because- okay, maybe she tends to take the initiative when she knows she's onto something, sure, but there isn't anything inherent about it like it seems to be for him. there've been times when things went to hell, fast, and steve took action before the rest of them could even process it. and it's all too easy to trust in that, to look to him, in the moment. he steps up, leads the way. pretty literally, in most cases? soooo sure, she tends to be more inclined to do the research first, put the pieces together to try and find some kind of footing for a strategy, form a plan. she knows there's merit in that, she's not about to argue that point. that's probably why robin put her "in charge", right? but it's just-! leaders are more than just planners. it's something instinctual. intuitive. impulsive, almost, which- nancy can definitely be impulsive at times, but usually it's never in an effective way.
maybe what it boils down to is that some of her strengths are some of his weaknesses, and some of her weaknesses are some of his strengths. so when they're both at their best, it actually makes perfect sense that they make such a great team.
but at least she thinks about all of that for more than two seconds before typing it out and hitting send, this time. lately she's had a bad habit of, uh, vocalizing her analysis of all the ways steve harrington is different than the guy she dated a few years ago, because it really is blowing her mind in a lot of ways. but as it turns out! it's actually really weird to list off all those admirable differences she's noticed! she knows!! ]
I can promise you that every single person in our lives that's gotten caught in the middle of this insane mess with us... They're all panicking and wondering what the hell is going on, too. The fact that you're still here fighting alongside all of us means you might get it more than you think.
But yeah. Yes! You should always check in with me, absolutely. Or I could ask Holly to make you a bracelet that has WWNWD beaded into it. Just as a reminder, you know?
So I've consulted with Holly and she said she needs to know your top five favorite colors.
After gently informing her that some people might not have five different favorite colors, she begrudgingly admitted that she can work with three, but you would be "seriously limiting her creativity". So. No pressure.
Well, you certainly just made her day. I haven't seen that smile from her in a while. Not since her favorite park became a giant hole in the ground, and my mom won't let her play with her friends for more than thirty minutes or so after school. Honestly, none of the parents are taking any chances, which is good, but... It's still such a bummer for the kids. They don't really get it, you know? So at least this will give her something to do while she's stuck inside.
Not that you actually have to wear it, or anything! Obviously. She'll definitely want you to try it on when she finishes it, but after that... Maybe just keep it in your car, in the off-chance you'll be [ ... what? at her house? when she invites him over again? is it possibly going to really be that regular of a thing? ... is it totally fucked up that the thought of it not happening again makes her frown, before she catches herself? probably. shit. ] around when she's around. [ AROUND? brilliant. ] I just know it would mean a lot to her. [ just like him humoring this at all means a lot to her. as in herself, yes. ]
( it's not surprising that parents are keeping kids on tighter leashes, now. with everything going on it is probably for the best. it is just hard not to think it's pretty damn sad Holly can't run around at the park or with her pals because this Upside Down shit never stops and just gets worse, every year. obviously, if making a friendship bracelet made Holly brighten, Steve will wear the damn thing until it shreds to pieces. he likes Holly a lot. they made fast friends when she was a baby and he'd make funny faces for her waiting for Nancy.
now she's old enough to make faces back, which is even more fun. )
It sucks for them to be stuck inside, but we barely know what it means that Vecna almost opened the gate, right? Safer for her to be in. At least for now.
No, I'll wear it. Sounds pretty wicked. I can't make those things, the ones with all the knots? If she can do that without making a yarn ball on accident I'll definitely wear it.
Does it totally blow your mind that she's big enough to do complicated crafts now? I swear she's still little enough to hold above my head like an airplane, and then I see her and she's a full fledged tiny human, actually. Crazy.
It's surreal, to say the least. And for once I'm completely in agreement with my mom's overprotectiveness. I'd stay at home with Holly all the time if I could.
It really does. I mean, she's so smart, and so curious. And she's also COMPLETELY obsessed with math, which I never would have guessed. Oh, and reading bedtime stories, that's been the big thing this year. Filling out those addition and subtraction worksheets as fast as she can, and bedtime stories. She absolutely will not pick up a book just to pass the time on her own, but okay, so.
Around Christmas time she started doing this thing, about once or twice a week, whenever my parents tell her that it's time to get ready for bed - she starts insisting that it's my bedtime, too. Always very serious, trying to sound just like my mom, and tells me to brush my teeth and change into my jimjams, the whole thing, just so she can sit with me and read me a story. Meanwhile she's always about half asleep herself by then? So reading anything tends to be a challenge. But she gets so grumpy if I try to help, it's so cute. Because she can read it herself, and how dare I suggest otherwise.
[ this just in, nancy actually kinda loves it. all of it. being a big sister is- well, okay, it's a pain in the ass when it comes to dealing with mike. but holly really is a full fledged tiny human now, and it's impossible for her not to get caught up in it. ]
( this is an adorable snapshot of Nancy's relationship with her sister. back when they were dating, they agreed Mike was an asshole and Nancy would smile and nod when Steve pointed out how adorable Holly was. it wasn't really... a conversation, though. Mike was an asshole and Holly was adorable and that was that. they'd make out, or cram for a Chem final, or watch some movie Steve had insisted Nancy would like. they didn't talk about her siblings. they didn't talk about a lot of things, really.
it's nice. to get this puzzle piece of who Nancy is now. who Nancy is with her little sister. instincts to protect something small, still growing, that needs her and looks to her as they learn exactly how to be a human. it's just... it's just nice. that's all. )
Sounds like Holly is an unexpected ally in getting you to sleep every once and awhile. I should get her a bunch of new books to read to you, if it convinces you to do the whole jim-jams in bed at a reasonable hour thing.
[ later on nancy might realize how it might be coming off, talking so much about one of the sweeter parts about taking care of her 7 year-old sister like this... but at the moment? nope. not a single second thought. ]
We both know that even the greatest bedtime story won't make a 7:30pm bedtime possible, but it does sort of force me to wind down and relax earlier than I would have on my own, sure.
But you know, that whole plan carries the not-so-subtle implication that you have better sleeping habits than I do, which... No way. I'm sure I sleep just as much as you do. So if you're going to weaponize her bedtime stories, that means I'll have to retaliate by weaponizing speakerphone.
( it's coming off fine. right? it's totally chill to tell stories that highlight that you're really embracing your maternal instincts lately to the guy that dreamed of having a family with you one day! to be fair, Steve isn't reading much into it. besides thinking past Steve was really on top of thinking Nancy would be a great mom one day. )
That's half the battle sometimes, isn't it? If you're halfway there you might as well try and sleep. So look, if she gets half a dozen Dr. Seuss books, I don't know where she got them, all right? ( totally worth it, if it has become a calming routine for Nancy. he'd dedicate a paycheck to that. he realizes half the dark circles she'd been sporting the last time he saw her were from the hangover, not that she never sleeps, ever.
he's just guessing it isn't as easy for her as it used to be. that's all. )
I dunno, my problem isn't getting to sleep, it's staying asleep. You know? ( does she know? maybe she doesn't know. well... now she does! that seems like a fair friend thing to tell each other, huh? she's not gonna totally fixate on this like his sleep patterns are a problem she has to personally solve? better not. ) I don't know if Holly can help with that one.
[ she just! likes being a big sister. most of the time. and it's not like- okay yeah, it's pretty similar. the vibes are there.
but, anyway.
he asks "you know?" and yeah, she does. but luckily she stops herself from specifying that she hasn't been able to fall asleep, or stay asleep, very easily since she uhhhhh fell through a tree that lead to another dimension where she got chased down by a monster with a murder-flower face almost 3 years ago. or that the best sleep she's had in months was the night they were all piled into her basement, taking turns staying up with max. ]
I do, yeah. I definitely do.
[ .............but they both know that pretending things are fine with someone who knows perfectly well that they're not has never really worked out for her, so- ]
This time feels different, too. In the past I could kind of convince myself that it would get easier? That eventually I wouldn't see some kind of monster every time I shut my eyes. But "eventually" keeps getting interrupted by a new threat, and this time there's reminders of what happened literally all over town.
[ plus there's the tiny fact that robin, steve, and herself were the last people vecna saw before he was lit on fire and repeatedly shot in the chest, but that they didn't manage to kill him, so there's a solid chance they'll be the first people he comes looking for whenever he's back up on his feet. so. that hasn't really helped either, no. ]
( usually there's more of a bookend. Mindflayer is melted. the Demogorgon is dusted. the Russian base exploded. this time... well, this time it's not like that. the dust has settled, literally, but it doesn't feel like they have long to catch a breath. everyone knows that Vecna didn't die, not like he was supposed to. and while the shit with the gates didn't work the way it was supposed to, since Max isn't dead —
how long before Vecna recovers? before he tries again? will he start from square one, or do they have to keep their eyes peeled for a new victim in the midst of all the warning signs? someone they can hopefully protect, like they hadn't been able to protect Max?
no, it does feel different. and considering Vecna tortured people in their sleep, the fact neither of them are sleeping great isn't particularly surprising. )
Yeah. Yeah it is. At least I feel like I am doing something useful if I get up and do something. Run, or work out, or get gas so I'm ready to get Robin to school in the morning, or... get 3am pancakes at the 24-7 truck stop on the outside of town. Okay that last one isn't the most productive. They just make really good pancakes.
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no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 04:40 am (UTC)( it is funny, actually, how much deja vu is happening right now. just, this isn't the way the conversation went, last time. he was the one insisting they had to lay low, she was the one desperate to get the truth out, somehow.
and just like then, they're both wrong, and they're both right. it feels so goddamn bad, on both sides of the fence. he understands that Nancy a little better, what feels like a lifetime ago. trying not to cry in the library as he hopelessly tried to move the goalposts until she'd feel okay again. and having no clue how to actually get her there.
it's enough to take the wind out of his sails. and in his attempts for Nancy not to worry, it seems he just made her worry worse. I need you or we need you is about the same difference, really. even if he was right, in a sense, going in blind and angry to fight a fight nobody asked him to champion is hurting more than it is helping. literally, his face hurts so much. )
Okay, Nancy. All right. I get it.
No more fights with shitstains in letterman jackets, okay? You're right, it isn't worth it.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 07:11 am (UTC)she knows exactly what it's like to feel like some kind of- raw livewire, almost, from feeling too many things, too much, all at once. ( it's like everyone forgot, it's like nobody cares. except for her parents ... it's destroying them... ) and then being told that now isn't the time to confront that, and it might not ever be ( but there's nothing we can do about it ). even knowing the intentions behind it were good, it still feels pretty fucking terrible. so. ]
You know I'm not saying all of this because I don't think it's important. Right? You know that.
Finding a way to clear Eddie's name is something I've been thinking about just as much as finding a way to stop that army of monsters from coming through those rifts. And making sure people realize how fucked up it was to make him the enemy of the entire town when he didn't do ANYthing wrong, that's important to me, too.
But nobody else knows how much worse this can really get. It's just us. Which means we're the ones that get stuck dealing with the bigger picture, instead of getting the chance to actually deal with anything else.
So all of that shitty frustration and anger? Keep it.
Just
redirect it.
For now.
Please.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 04:01 am (UTC)Steve doesn't think that teenagers formerly at Jason's beck and call are irredeemable but it's also fair that he isn't responsible for trying to make them be less shitty. in fact that is something every popular asshole has to more or less decide on their own. come against something they aren't willing to let slide, and get lost in the landslide of all the things they shouldn't have stood back and watched, hoping they'd never end up the target.
the fact Nancy needed some time gave Steve some time to get his ice, as recommended. texting with an icepack balanced on his head isn't easy, but he's just persistent that way. )
I'm sorry. I'll let it go if I see it again. ( is it so wrong to hope wailing on a teenager means it won't? maybe less wrong and more unlikely. ) Ice officially applied to face. See?
( if texting was awkward with ice balanced on his face, taking a selfie to show off the fact he's using an ice pack while also giving a thumbs up should be impossible. but he manages!!! Maybe it's a little blurry. his ice is directly plonked in a ziplock, no towel, but... hey, at least it's ice!! Nancy won't be able to see much of the injury, since there's an ice pack on it. just a hint of green going angry under the ice. the rest of his face is fine, though, so it was indeed as promised — far from the worst his face has ever looked. )
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 07:30 am (UTC)[ the picture makes her smile, even though it is pretty blurry, and both and the camera and the ice are very strategically angled in a way that prevents her from seeing if he has a big bruise around his eye or not. ... for the best, really, because she would just end up fussing over him even more if she did see it. which... would be bad? right? although admittedly, saving that photo to her camera roll isn't all that casual or subtle, but she's doing it without thinking twice anyway.
also it's takes an insane amount of control not to call him an idiot, because she can't, because she knows he'd read/hear it in that same enamored tone that she could never seem to control back when they were dating. a tone that, quite honestly, is reserved for him and only him. it's just- not a tone that anybody's inspired her to use since, that's all. so. technically speaking, it's just his. ]
Wow, check you out! I'm really loving that look on you. The look that includes you actually icing your injuries, not the "I just got into a scuffle" look. [ she's a FILTHY liar because she's thought to herself more than once that steve might be the only person that can wear a split lip and still look very cute. but that's here nor there. ] I think it's also worth noting that that might've been the quickest you've ever done something as soon as I asked you to, because I knew it would help. But hey, fair warning, if you're not careful you might accidentally activate my otherwise mostly-in-check ego, and I can be very bossy. And demanding. Practically a tyrant. You thought this was bad? I'd spend wayyy more time bullying you to look out for yourself as much as you look out for everyone else.
[ surprising no one, even when given a perfect opening for it ( like that selfie ), nancy's not actually all that great at shifting the tone of any given conversation to something more lighthearted than it was a second ago. but like! she's trying! she's making jokes! while like, also making it obvious there's that underlying worry. it's fine. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-27 05:17 pm (UTC)( the fastest he's ever responded to something she's asked, that is. Steve will drag his feet with non choice tasks, like studying, or putting ice on his face. that said, he's happy to jump right to certain requests, like take your pants off or touch me. those were also requests that helped him! okay!
there's also pg-13 things he's done without much whining. that's what he meant by that, for sure. )
I'll keep that in mind.
I don't want you stealing my thing, we really can't have you be the bossy worrier and I'm the one making the plan to save the world. It'd never work.
( not that someone worrying about him is bad. kinda nice, actually — since he's used to licking his wounds on his own, a lot of the time. )
no subject
Date: 2022-07-28 03:14 am (UTC)soooo yeah, as much as she loves being right and making a point, she loves not making things awkward even more. so. ]
Alright, fair. One of the fastest, then. Top three, at least.
Oh, yeah. I supposed that is kind of your thing already, isn't it?
Although I can't say I've ever thought of you as "bossy" before. More like... assertive, maybe? When you need to be? As in... when shit hits the fan, as it tends to do more often than not in Hawkins.
It's probably why you were captain of the basketball team. And the baseball team. And the swim team. Co-captain. Same thing.
It's just not really being "bossy" when people already want to listen to you. And Dustin might be a total pain in the ass about it sometimes, but he looks to you just as much as anybody else.
There might actually be room for two worriers, and two leaders, is my point.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-28 03:37 am (UTC)I can lead stuff I understand. Swimming and basketball and baseball.
I don't get this Upside Down stuff. I don't know if I ever will. I still feel like I did that first time, sometimes. Panicking and wondering what the hell is going on.
I can't lead with this like you can. You see things I don't see. You just get things faster. That stuff with Victor Creel, I never... that was decades ago! But you just. Knew. And you were right.
Not like Dustin, either. With science, and compasses and magnetic fields, and ... and making the pieces fit together. It's crazy how smart that kid is.
I'm not like that, but I can try and keep people in one piece. And herd them from the active danger if possible.
That I understand. I'm okay sticking to my strengths.
So I guess I should just check in with you if I think scaring one of Jason's goons straight is a good idea. Could have saved me a black eye. If you're really determined to be the leader and a worrier, there probably is room for two of us doing that.
1/2
Date: 2022-07-28 05:00 am (UTC)maybe what it boils down to is that some of her strengths are some of his weaknesses, and some of her weaknesses are some of his strengths. so when they're both at their best, it actually makes perfect sense that they make such a great team.
but at least she thinks about all of that for more than two seconds before typing it out and hitting send, this time. lately she's had a bad habit of, uh, vocalizing her analysis of all the ways steve harrington is different than the guy she dated a few years ago, because it really is blowing her mind in a lot of ways. but as it turns out! it's actually really weird to list off all those admirable differences she's noticed! she knows!! ]
oops
Date: 2022-07-28 05:22 am (UTC)The fact that you're still here fighting alongside all of us means you might get it more than you think.
But yeah. Yes!
You should always check in with me, absolutely.
Or I could ask Holly to make you a bracelet that has WWNWD beaded into it. Just as a reminder, you know?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-29 03:12 am (UTC)Okay, you've convinced me. Tell Holly I really need it, all right? Without her I might forget before I run around punching sophomores.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-29 03:25 am (UTC)After gently informing her that some people might not have five different favorite colors, she begrudgingly admitted that she can work with three, but you would be "seriously limiting her creativity". So. No pressure.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-29 03:32 am (UTC)And she can have as many artistic liberties with accent colors as she wants. Seems like that should be her right, as the talent.
( AKA FUCK HIM UP WITH A RAINBOW, HOLLY )
no subject
Date: 2022-07-29 04:04 am (UTC)I just need to be sure that you to know what you're signing up for.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-29 04:12 am (UTC)Plus, neon colors are eye-catching. Better reminder to keep the guns holstered, all that.
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Date: 2022-07-29 04:49 am (UTC)Not that you actually have to wear it, or anything! Obviously. She'll definitely want you to try it on when she finishes it, but after that... Maybe just keep it in your car, in the off-chance you'll be [ ... what? at her house? when she invites him over again? is it possibly going to really be that regular of a thing? ... is it totally fucked up that the thought of it not happening again makes her frown, before she catches herself? probably. shit. ] around when she's around. [ AROUND? brilliant. ] I just know it would mean a lot to her. [ just like him humoring this at all means a lot to her. as in herself, yes. ]
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Date: 2022-07-29 04:59 am (UTC)now she's old enough to make faces back, which is even more fun. )
It sucks for them to be stuck inside, but we barely know what it means that Vecna almost opened the gate, right? Safer for her to be in. At least for now.
No, I'll wear it. Sounds pretty wicked. I can't make those things, the ones with all the knots? If she can do that without making a yarn ball on accident I'll definitely wear it.
Does it totally blow your mind that she's big enough to do complicated crafts now? I swear she's still little enough to hold above my head like an airplane, and then I see her and she's a full fledged tiny human, actually. Crazy.
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Date: 2022-07-29 05:28 am (UTC)It really does. I mean, she's so smart, and so curious. And she's also COMPLETELY obsessed with math, which I never would have guessed. Oh, and reading bedtime stories, that's been the big thing this year. Filling out those addition and subtraction worksheets as fast as she can, and bedtime stories. She absolutely will not pick up a book just to pass the time on her own, but okay, so.
Around Christmas time she started doing this thing, about once or twice a week, whenever my parents tell her that it's time to get ready for bed - she starts insisting that it's my bedtime, too. Always very serious, trying to sound just like my mom, and tells me to brush my teeth and change into my jimjams, the whole thing, just so she can sit with me and read me a story. Meanwhile she's always about half asleep herself by then? So reading anything tends to be a challenge. But she gets so grumpy if I try to help, it's so cute. Because she can read it herself, and how dare I suggest otherwise.
[ this just in, nancy actually kinda loves it. all of it. being a big sister is- well, okay, it's a pain in the ass when it comes to dealing with mike. but holly really is a full fledged tiny human now, and it's impossible for her not to get caught up in it. ]
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Date: 2022-07-31 03:05 am (UTC)it's nice. to get this puzzle piece of who Nancy is now. who Nancy is with her little sister. instincts to protect something small, still growing, that needs her and looks to her as they learn exactly how to be a human. it's just... it's just nice. that's all. )
Sounds like Holly is an unexpected ally in getting you to sleep every once and awhile. I should get her a bunch of new books to read to you, if it convinces you to do the whole jim-jams in bed at a reasonable hour thing.
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Date: 2022-07-31 04:08 am (UTC)We both know that even the greatest bedtime story won't make a 7:30pm bedtime possible, but it does sort of force me to wind down and relax earlier than I would have on my own, sure.
But you know, that whole plan carries the not-so-subtle implication that you have better sleeping habits than I do, which... No way. I'm sure I sleep just as much as you do. So if you're going to weaponize her bedtime stories, that means I'll have to retaliate by weaponizing speakerphone.
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Date: 2022-07-31 11:07 pm (UTC)That's half the battle sometimes, isn't it? If you're halfway there you might as well try and sleep. So look, if she gets half a dozen Dr. Seuss books, I don't know where she got them, all right? ( totally worth it, if it has become a calming routine for Nancy. he'd dedicate a paycheck to that. he realizes half the dark circles she'd been sporting the last time he saw her were from the hangover, not that she never sleeps, ever.
he's just guessing it isn't as easy for her as it used to be. that's all. )
I dunno, my problem isn't getting to sleep, it's staying asleep. You know? ( does she know? maybe she doesn't know. well... now she does! that seems like a fair friend thing to tell each other, huh? she's not gonna totally fixate on this like his sleep patterns are a problem she has to personally solve? better not. ) I don't know if Holly can help with that one.
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Date: 2022-08-01 01:06 am (UTC)but, anyway.
he asks "you know?" and yeah, she does. but luckily she stops herself from specifying that she hasn't been able to fall asleep, or stay asleep, very easily since she uhhhhh fell through a tree that lead to another dimension where she got chased down by a monster with a murder-flower face almost 3 years ago. or that the best sleep she's had in months was the night they were all piled into her basement, taking turns staying up with max. ]
I do, yeah. I definitely do.
[ .............but they both know that pretending things are fine with someone who knows perfectly well that they're not has never really worked out for her, so- ]
This time feels different, too. In the past I could kind of convince myself that it would get easier? That eventually I wouldn't see some kind of monster every time I shut my eyes. But "eventually" keeps getting interrupted by a new threat, and this time there's reminders of what happened literally all over town.
[ plus there's the tiny fact that robin, steve, and herself were the last people vecna saw before he was lit on fire and repeatedly shot in the chest, but that they didn't manage to kill him, so there's a solid chance they'll be the first people he comes looking for whenever he's back up on his feet. so. that hasn't really helped either, no. ]
Not sleeping is easier, sometimes.
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Date: 2022-08-01 02:46 am (UTC)( usually there's more of a bookend. Mindflayer is melted. the Demogorgon is dusted. the Russian base exploded. this time... well, this time it's not like that. the dust has settled, literally, but it doesn't feel like they have long to catch a breath. everyone knows that Vecna didn't die, not like he was supposed to. and while the shit with the gates didn't work the way it was supposed to, since Max isn't dead —
how long before Vecna recovers? before he tries again? will he start from square one, or do they have to keep their eyes peeled for a new victim in the midst of all the warning signs? someone they can hopefully protect, like they hadn't been able to protect Max?
no, it does feel different. and considering Vecna tortured people in their sleep, the fact neither of them are sleeping great isn't particularly surprising. )
Yeah. Yeah it is. At least I feel like I am doing something useful if I get up and do something. Run, or work out, or get gas so I'm ready to get Robin to school in the morning, or... get 3am pancakes at the 24-7 truck stop on the outside of town.
Okay that last one isn't the most productive. They just make really good pancakes.
1/3 i think
Date: 2022-08-01 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-01 03:19 am (UTC)But how do you know
Nope, never mind, no lecturing. Promise.
ye done
Date: 2022-08-01 03:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:1/2 lmao sorry 4 ur inbox
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