[her heart aches with the fact that he's having to come up with a plan at all. She knows it's not her fault. He's told her it isn't her fault. But Jason still feels like her responsibility somehow. Like now that she's done making excuses for him, she has to find a way to get him out of their life.]
I'm used to it.
[she very cleverly doesn't elaborate what she's used to. Giving Jason opportunities to be a real jerk? Yeah, she is. Used to Jason's temper? That too. But what she really means is used to being scared of him. She's terrified of Jason, but she can handle it. ]
Next time he calls me a slut or something in the cafeteria, I'll give him a reaction. It's what he's looking for. And then maybe he'll leave you alone.
[But thankfully, she graduates soon. Then he'll be out of her life completely. It's only an issue for a little longer. And she can hold on for that long.]
( well, now he knows how shitty it feels. when you worry about someone and they just say I'm used to it. sorry to everyone he pulled that one on, it sucks!!! )
That's... that's so. Fucked. Jesus. God, he's an asshole! You know, hope he walks crooked tomorrow. If anyone wonders why you can tell them I was hoping he'd be less of a dick if he couldn't feel his.
( anger isn't really the solution, but isn't it cathartic, sometimes? )
No, no... I mean. You can. But look, what if he snaps and you are on your own? No, we gotta... Robin, you know, my best friend? You guys could catch lunch together. Or you and I can skip and get McDonalds sometimes, or something.
I don't know. I don't know! Not yet. But we can figure it out. We're gonna figure it out. You and me.
And Robin. Maybe? She's way smarter than me, Chrissy, she'd wanna help. I know she would.
[If she knew he was feeling that awful about it, she'd apologize for saying she's used to it. The last thing she wants to do is worry him more or upset him. But she also thinks that by trying to be dismissive of her own fear, it will help him be less concerned about her.]
I don't want to make Robin feel responsible for helping me with my problems. But if you think she could help? I'll trust her.
I also won't say no to skipping sometimes to go somewhere with you.
[not that eating lunch really matters all that much to her. She's more focused on trying to just keep the peace until she can walk across the stage.]
Especially if you promise to act out how you managed to beat Jason up. I want to hear everything.
She likes to help solve problems, though. I mean it, you should see her when she's in the thick of it. Her brain moves so fast. I don't totally know how she does it, sometimes I feel lucky to mostly have kept up.
( plus, it means spilling all to his bestie, and while Steve can hold onto a secret that isn't his to tell... keeping things from his lesbian wife is just insanely hard. okay? )
I know she could help. And I know she'd want to. We'd probably have to let her come if I'm buying you lunch sometimes, though.
( wife tax. it is what it is. )
I'll tell you everything, but I'm not sure it's much of a story. He said, we need to talk, and then we mostly just yelled, actually. And... yeah. ( plenty of punching and scruffing and grabbing and slamming each other around until Jason got a knee where the sun doesn't shine. not his best fight, nor his proudest moment, but Jason whimpering on the floor clutching his junk was pretty cathartic actually. )
[She doesn't think Steve would lie to her about the encounter. But she has to admit that she likes the idea of Jason getting the shit beat out of him. The only thing better would be if she was strong enough to do it herself.]
Maybe I'll punch him for you on Monday at school.
[Not that Steve needs her to do it. But she wants to do it. She can't help that she's protective when it comes to him. And he's obviously the same way when it comes to her. So it works out, she thinks.]
Robin can help me do it. And then maybe we'll go get McDonalds together and you can imagine all the stories she'll tell me about what a dork you are.
[Because with as close as he and Robin are, she knows there are some good stories.]
Usually I'd support that, but the guy is such a creep he might be into that.
( half kidding, half genuinely concerned. would Jason think retaliation is some kinda sign??? she clocked me, she MUST still be interested! )
At least don't throw down with that loser without me, all right? Robin is the one you might have to talk down. She can be feisty. As for stories, it'll mostly have to do with Scoops and the uniform. I'm warning you now.
I told her I was seeing someone. And then I told her that we were dating. She thought it was weird I said it twice, I think. But I couldn't just tell her why it was different then. We might have to now, though.
Do you think she'll hate me if you tell her everything?
[Chrissy is hyper aware of the fact that it may come across like she was using Steve. And really, she hadn't been! Maybe they had been fake dating at first, but it was fun and they both got something out of the deal. It wasn't until feelings got involved and they fucked in his car that everything started to shift and change. Robin may not get it, not the same way they do.]
I just don't want her to think I don't love you or anything.
[She doesn't even realize she's said the l-word until after she's sent the text. And then panics because she really should've used the word cares!!]
( when he'd told Robin he was dating Chrissy Cunningham, Robin said "aww". out loud. whereas when she thought back on him in his popular days, mostly it was with annoyance about his hair and how messily he ate bagels. Chrissy is the rare sort of popular that comes from being so nice, to everyone — Steve got there on money and looks, easy mode. Chrissy has earned her reputation for being one of the sweetest girls in school, there's simply no way Robin will be mad that she accepted help to try and get away from her creepy boyfriend.
Steve does hesitate, at the appearance of the l-word. it's not even that it's a bad word! it's that the last girl that told him she loved him decided it was actually bullshit when she was blackout drunk at a party. it's... it's not fair, to tie Nancy in with Chrissy, when they're not alike at all. and... and maybe she doesn't mean it like love love. right? so then... so then he can use it too. no big deal! )
She won't think that. She knows how much I love you. I talk about you all the time. She's got this new thing, now, if I'm talking too much about how cute you are, there's a girlfriend tax. I had to pay for our last trip to the movies talking about you too much. ( wait, so not the point. what was he talking about? )
If anything she'll be proud. This guy is a complete asshole that's been making your life a living hell, and you knew that when you left him. You did it anyway.
She'll be proud of you. I'm proud of you. She might say I was a total dingus for asking you to be my fake girlfriend when I was gonna fall for you so fast, but... I, uh... she might be right there, so.
Yeah, Steve Harrington just said that he loves her.
She knows how much I love you.
Chrissy squeals in absolute delight, hugging her phone close to her chest. Which turns to her falling back against her bed, legs curling and raising up enough that she can rapidly kick them in her excitement. She settles a moment after, but ends up raising her phone up with both arms outstretched.
She stares at the screen for at least a minute before she clutches the phone against her chest.
Her heart's racing when she finally is able to respond.]
You love me?
[Maybe that's not the smoothest way to ask about it. But she's so happy that he's said that she literally feels like her heart might soar right out of her chest. She's never been loved just for being herself before. Her mother's love is alway contingent on how pretty and perfect she can be, and Jason's "love" was always based around how fast she could get him off in the locker room or his car whenever he asked her to.
But Steve only cares about her for who she is, not what she could be. He fell for her because she's imperfect, and all of her issues go along so well with his. Sometimes it feels like she's half a functional person, but when she's with him it doesn't matter. Together they're whole, and anything feels possible when he's looking at her like she's his entire world.
so he's right. How can Robin do anything other than cheer for them to make it?]
( okay, so... that's not the reaction he was expecting. she steamrolled past the l word so he figured he could also just breeze on by, because it just. wasn't a big deal. and yet Chrissy stops to focus on it, which makes him feel like it was more of a deal than he realized it was.
she might think the l word is a bigger deal coming from him, since he's a guy? is he totally blowing this right now? oh god. he's overthinking this by a mile. just be goddamn honest, huh? if the question is whether he loves her or not, the answer is easy. )
Yeah. I do. I know... I know it's soon, I just... Yeah. I do. I do love you. Of course I do. ( he wants to say if that's okay and immediately deletes that. if it isn't, well, she'll just tell him. right? so... no. that's a little too pathetic, he can't say that. whatever love means to her, doesn't really matter. Steve knows what love means to him, and he knows that he loves her.
that part is easy. even if saying it feels like he messed up somewhere, like it's too soon or too scary or too much and he should have given her more time. to really know how she felt. when she's the one that said it first! yup, he's definitely spiraling over here. )
[There's a moment of confusion where it seems like he's hesitating. Like he's having to explain himself, or he's expecting her to take back what she initially said that prompted this whole thing. And of course it makes her frown, because she knows Steve well enough to get when he's doing that thing that he does where he's making a mountain out of nothing, and
Okay maybe love isn't nothing. But it's not something that she ever wants him to question.]
It isn't soon. Because I feel that way too. I love you, and there isn't any rule that says how long you have to be together before you can say it.
[That doesn't feel like she's saying enough, really.]
I probably should've waited to tell you until we were in person. Sorry.
( is it a mountain out of nothing? probably! what the hell kind of idiot freaks out because their girlfriend wants clarification on whether he loves her or not? that's a normal goddamn thing to ask! it's just. it's... just. so the last time he told a girl he loved her, she said it back. and that was great!
until an ill-fated Halloween party, and everything fell apart. and sometimes he tries to turn it over in his head, whether he just didn't understand, didn't get it, whether Nancy was too drunk to really mean anything she said. except she couldn't manage to say she loved him after she was sober, either. and then she ran off to god knows where with Jonathan. and then that was that, and the writing was on the wall. it's okay, Nance.
and then she and Jonathan were a thing, and that was just. it.
Steve knows he could just explain it, only. he doesn't want to explain it. honesty is the best policy, sure, but, how Nancy realized he was a shitty boyfriend and that she didn't love him anymore is not exactly Steve's favorite conversation topic. especially with a new girlfriend, who he's desperately trying not to fuck things up with. no, if he can avoid talking about it for now, he's definitely going to. )
No. No! ( dear god, if he can convince her of ANYTHING, it should be that she can say ILU any goddang way she wants. it truly does not matter, it's like catnip to him any possible way. ) No, it's okay. You can tell me however you want. I love you like this is good.
Not that you can't say it in person. I really want to see you, by the way. Can I see you right now?
( because while text ILUs are great, love it! awesome! also... what about in person ILUs? those are also just... great. they should try that. sometime. )
Oh god, yes please. I'd really like to see you right now.
[She had felt a little silly wanting to ask to see him, and is glad that he's the one that initiates an in person conversation. So often it feels like she's clingy and smothering him, but then he surprises her by showing her that the things she feels and wants are normal. Or are normal for him, at least.]
I'm on my way over now. Are you at your place?
[It's likely he is, and she can just hurry her way over to that part of town on foot. Or he could be at his parent's place, which is just the neighborhood over from hers. That's less likely.
Or if he's not in too bad of shape he can just come pick her up off the street, and they can pull over somewhere quiet. A lot of their important firsts have happened in that car. This can be another one.]
Yeah. Yeah, I am. With an ice pack on my face. ( and while Steve might have a black eye, literally nothing is going to stop him from kissing his girl after they both say I love you, out loud.
because the more he thinks about the fact Chrissy loves him, the less he can remember why he was so worried about saying it. hell, even if things go crazy south and some day she doesn't mean it like she does now... she does mean it now. maybe that's enough. )
But I can come get you. If you want? You're at home, aren't you? Is your mom even gonna let you come out tonight? ( not that it's a deterrent, even slightly. Steve would just crawl in her window if she can't come to him. )
I'm still supposed to be grounded. So I was going to sneak out my window. But you could sneak in just as easily. If you wanted to?
[Can he even manage to climb up and in? She isn't sure. But she's willing to leap out her window and right into the tree outside to climb down if it means getting to see him. He's said that he loves her, she's said that she loves him. And they really need to kiss and hold each other, and just spend time together.
Besides, her mom grounding her is essentially her last hurrah of exerting power over her. Chrissy's been dealing with it, but she's ready to ditch the punishment and just be with the guy she loves.]
But you probably can't climb up with an ice pack. I don't want you to get hurt worse, just so you can see me.
( climbing in windows is sort of his specialty, Chrissy. he's like a ninja. and yes his face is a bit more sore today than usual, granted, but he could probably find the strength to scale a mountain right now if he got to see her after he made it to the top. )
I want to. I can make it, trust me. I'll come to you.
( maybe they won't be able to get away with much, in her bedroom. turns out that is totally fine, as long as they can whisper three little words back and forth until somebody gets tired of hearing them. )
[She's just going to run and pile up her notebooks where she's written their initials in hearts on her desk so hopefully he won't see them. And she's going to run downstairs to say goodnight to her parents, saying she's exhausted after cheer practice running late. She knows they won't come check on her after that.
And then she's hauling ass back upstairs, so glad that her room is so far away from both the living room and her parents' room. Her window is unlocked and left open, and as she goes back to her bed she's sure to shove her few remaining stuffed animals onto the floor so he hopefully won't see those either.]
There's a trellis right under my window. Or you can take the tree. I left the window open for you, okay? Be careful!
[Because she knows he might be recklessly headed her way just so he can see her. It's incredibly sweet and romantic, and she thinks it makes her love him a little more.]
( he is, in fact, recklessly headed in her direction. it takes him a little longer, because yes he probably does still need ice for his stupid eye. and climbing with it won't be easy, Chrissy had a point there. so, backpack. and maybe he stashes aspirin in there, too. what more could he need? all the first aid Steve is willing to put up with. and maybe it takes him a little longer since his head hurts, thanks just SO MUCH for that, Jason!
having to park a few blocks away slows him down, too. will his ice even be ice by the time he makes it through her window? frankly if he remembers he brought ice by the time he makes it through her window, it'll truly be astounding. it's kind of deja vu, to sneak around a dark house to find the right window. the trellis is too rickety for him, he's definitely not as light as he was when he clambered up the Wheeler garage. Chrissy might be able to climb down it, he thinks, if there's ever a reason she needs to sneak out. which is. not at all anything she'd ever have to do, ever! since she's such a good girl. but you know. just for future reference, he wouldn't have to worry about her, if she did. so that's good to know!
Steve takes the tree. it is awkward. but he manages. the first announcement of his presence is his backpack (and his likely half melted ice) clearing the open window before he does. the rest of him does follow shortly after, trying to be as quiet as possible when clambering through a window is frankly not a quiet process, even for someone smaller than he is. ) It looks worse than it is, ( Steve insists in a whisper, still only half in Chrissy's window but already prepared to talk her down from the dark purple of his face anyway. look, he really does just bruise too easily! )
[She's expecting him to show up, but still is surprised by the sound of his backpack crashing onto the floor of her room. Jumping in alarm, she scoots back toward the headboard of her bed, legs curling up close to her chest. The nail polish bottle she's painted her toenails with tips over in the process and she gasps, scrambling to grab it and set it aside on her nightstand.
Steve enters the room a few seconds later, and something that doesn't surprise her is how he tries to reassure her right away. It makes sense that he does, because it looks terrible. He doesn't want her to worry about him, so she remains rooted in place in her bed, even as she worries at her lower lip with an anxious nibble.]
Jason did this to you?
[The implication of her question is if Jason did this alone. Or if he had come with friends and they had all ganged up on Steve. Chrissy quickly ditches the idea of not worrying over him, and crawls forward to the edge of her bed. She's on her knees and reaches out to grab his hand and pull him in close. Where of course, she has to take her time really looking him over, fingertips gently trailing along the bruises and swelling that make her heart break.]
Sure looked like him, yeah. ( not a time for stupid jokes, Steven!! he can't help it, that worried, sad, guilty look on Chrissy's face is sure hitting him sideways. Steve cannot help his desire to want to lighten the mood, prove that he's fine, shake off the shadows and try to push toward something normal and not miserable. look around her room and tease her about her posters, make a point of seeing if they both fit in her bed. instead he brings the ghost of Jason along whether he wants to or not, and or not is definitely how Steve feels about it. if he could have left the guy clutching his junk, rolling around on the parking lot asphalt forever, that would in fact be his preference.
Steve does not stop Chrissy from dragging him closer, wincing slightly at the touch even though he doesn't actually want her to stop. well, maybe he does, if only because fixating on his face is not actually what he came here for, actually. ) Hey, hey, ( Steve says, trying to draw her attention away from the bruises, catching wandering fingers in a hand with still slightly bloodied knuckles so he can kiss her palm. thanks, that's very nice! that she cares. about his dumb face. they can come back to that later. or never! because his face just is never going to be as compelling to him as the other thing they'd been talking about. )
You know, that thing... That thing you said, the thing you wanted to say out loud? ( Steve is being playfully stupid, on purpose, hoping that he can drag Chrissy out of being worried and back into the moment they accidentally had over text message. his spare hand curves behind her neck, leaning a little closer because even on her knees on the top of her bed, he's still got height advantage standing and it makes it easy to look at her. the strawberry gold of her hair, the bright blue of her eyes. even brighter right now, scrubbed down and soft for bed. god, she's so fucking beautiful, and she loves him? how'd he get to be so damn lucky? ) You could say it now, maybe, ( Steve continues, feeling the stupid smile on his face, because thanks Jason!! smiling hurts, right now!! ) I'm listening.
[She's just teasing, of course. Those three words are fresh in her mind, and she knows exactly what he wants her to say. His playing stupid makes her smile and laugh though, and she kisses at a bruise on his cheek before pressing another playful one to the tip of his nose.]
That's right! I remember now.
[Hands go to his shoulders, and she moves to lie back on her bed, pulling him down over her. With a smile that's nothing short of radiant, she kisses him for real. It's tender and completely heartfelt, not seeking anything more than sharing how she feels for him right now.]
I love you.
[her lips are against his, their breaths shared as she speaks.]
I love you.
[They're whispered that time, as she kisses at his chin. Her hand presses against his cheek but slips away quickly, not wanting to hurt him. Instead, her fingertips touch at his jawline, and her smile shifts into something entirely smitten.]
I love you.
[God, she's so lucky to have him. They're both lucky really, the way they had come together turning into something this good. There's times where she doesn't feel like she deserves it, with as imperfect as she is, but she knows that he feels the same way about himself. And maybe that's the beautiful thing about their relationship. They're able to build one another up so effortlessly.]
( oh, who knows, Chrissy! whatever could he be implying there? Steve huffs, because wow, they can't both play dumb at once, that's totally his thing. but then she presses kisses at the shine of purple on his face, and Steve stalls out a little. he really would like to forget about his face, honest. it's just... well, he's been knocked around and punched out and messed up plenty and reactions tend to vary. Tommy bought him aspirin and a coke and charged him for the pleasure. the kids had put rainbow bandaids on his split lip and cheek like that was gonna help at all with the concussion. everyone had commented on how terrible he looked after getting interrogated by the Russians, which was, just so helpful. thanks everyone.
he's never... well, he's never had anyone kiss the ugly stain of a bruise on his face. it makes his stomach do this weird silly flutter, like he's a goddamn kid falling in love with a girl the first time he saw her in 2nd grade. he's too old for it, surely, all these bubbly funny feelings.
but apparently not, because then she says it, I love you, and it's like Chrissy just ramped all those bubbly funny feelings up to 100. Steve mumbles a delighted little sound, kissing her back as much as he can around the grin on his face, crawling in bed after her so he doesn't have to stop kissing her, even as I love you, I love you, I love you, the world's most perfect mantra, is murmured against his mouth. maybe later, he'll get in his head. wonder how long it'll last. for now, frankly, he's too giddy to hear it he doesn't have it in him to spiral.
Steve has missed being allowed to love someone. having someone that loves him back. of course he was gonna fall for Chrissy, sometimes Steve thinks he might have started before he could even really call her his. her strength, her kindness, her resilience, her smile — how was he ever supposed to not fall straight over, head over niked feet? Steve falls fast and hard, there was just really no way to avoid it. but Chrissy loving him back is the wrinkle he couldn't have anticipated, and what kind of idiot would he be if he tried to poke holes in something he wants so damn much? )
I love you, ( Steve mutters back, hand slipping up the angle of her throat and to the line of her jaw and pausing just to look at her. all the perfect parts of her, even though Chrissy doesn't see it the way he does. the sparkle of her eyes, the freckles that seem to multiply any time she's out in the sun. the sweet little smile with the hint of the world's cutest canines, the way she looks at him like something worth having, worth wanting. Steve smiles again, and he's got a catchup game to play, so, ) I love you, I love you, mmm, ( a lazy drop of his head to bring their mouths back together, and the last promise he doesn't even bother to pull away from her mouth. ) Love you.
[If there's one thing Chrissy knows about herself, it's that she's desperate to be loved. She was a hungry child growing up, wanting both more food and more love from her mother. She grew into the hunger, but the desire for love has always been there. And she thought maybe she'd find it with Jason. But he never loved her. He only wanted to own her, to treat her like an object he could show off to the school.
She hadn't been expecting to have love surprise her in a relationship that had started out as an attempt to escape being put in a trophy case alongside Jason Carver's entire basketball and football record. Steve has constantly surprised her, has continually made her a better person. And when he tells her that he loves her now, she knows without any doubt that he means it. He's turned her into someone that's loved, embraces who she is without needing her to be someone else. It's the best feeling in the entire world, and she gets a thrill out of the way her heart races and skips beats.
Making a soft sound against his lips as he kisses her, she genuinely can't stop smiling. It's ridiculous, how someone's love can wrap around her and make her feel like she's flying. That boundless energy she's feeling now is turned to her focus on him, as her leg hikes upward and curls firmly against him.
With as athletic as she is, she can be strong in some situations. Given that she really wants to feel more of him, she finds herself able to move into a roll and flip them with him helping guide them once he feels her trying to shift their positions.
She's smiling down at him as she moves to straddle him, hands trailing slowly along his sides until she can press his hands against the mattress. Resuming her gentle kisses from earlier, she kisses along the bruises to his face, before she starts working a path down along his neck. Yeah, she thinks she'll leave a couple of marks for him to find later. He'll smile about them, she's sure.]
I love you so much it feels like I can't breathe sometimes.
[It's a whispered admission, her breath warm against the curve of his neck.]
And hearing you say it back, it feels like I'm drowning in you. That's weird, right?
( Steve has really made a point of working out, since Scoops Ahoy. he went into that Russian Beatdown entirely ill prepared. and, to be fair, having better upper arm strength probably wouldn't have helped that much, when they had guns, and tied him up. the point is, he's been working out lately, he's definitely, definitely stronger than Chrissy. definitely!
it's just that he doesn't have any problem with her rolling him onto his back. he feels the hint the movement of her thigh, and obligingly follows her lead. even if he feels a little too Seen, with his bright purple bruised eye, doing an unfortunate number on his charming good looks. he definitely did forget he packed an ice back in his bag, already, it hasn't even been two minutes.
how is he supposed to think about a bag of ice when Chrissy is pinning his hands to her fluffy bedspread, presses her lips to the sore run of bruises on his face? he just can't. doesn't begin to want to spare the brainpower. there's much better things to focus on, in this moment. )
Drowning? Can't breathe? This is a lifeguard's worst nightmare. ( to be fair, despite getting his certification like clockwork every year, Steve hasn't wanted to actually work as a lifeguard. too much pressure, lives in his hands. he already knows what that feels like. ) Is this where I ask if you need mouth to mouth? ( he's being, just so stupid right now. even Steve is aware. it's just hard not to be a little giddy. punch drunk on Chrissy's kisses and the warmth in her eyes, just for him. he feels like he has to add, ) It's not weird. It's ... it's a good kind of overwhelming. That we can say it, now. I don't think I'm ever gonna be tired of saying that. I love you. Nope, still not there.
( the only problem with this position is Steve can't reach Chrissy's mouth as easily, so he tilts to kiss at the wrist that his hand pinned to the mattress instead. kiss, and then nip. why not? he should 100% be more concerned with the fact her parents are just downstairs, but they're as forgotten as the ice in his backpack. )
[Oh, he really is ridiculous right now, isn't he? The comment about mouth to mouth makes her laugh, a giddy and silly sound that cuts off the second his lips find her wrist. Who knew that a simple kiss and the feel of his teeth against her there would make her so sensitive? Her laugh dies off into a sound that's far more like an appreciative gasp, and any thought about being quiet flies right out the window.
As far as she's concerned, they're the only two here. They're the only two that matter in the entire world, and they're wrapped up in one another and the blanket of love that they've pulled over themselves. It's an absolutely perfect moment, and as her heart races she starts to wonder if it's actually possible to feel something so strongly and so completely that you cry.
It must be, because her eyes fill with tears, and she tries to blink them away before he can see. Her gaze is still just as warm as her smile, cheeks flushed. Her plan fails, because of course it does, and a few tears fall from her eyes and land on him.]
God, I just —
[There's no thought of being embarrassed. No attempt to shy away. Steve has seen her at her worst, and her best. And she likes to think that happy tears because they can't stop declaring their love is one of the best damn things to ever happen to her. They're both at their best right now, vulnerable and open and so caught up in one another that nothing else really matters.
Not even the bruises on his face.
Her mouth works another mark against his neck as she tries to think of the right word to finish her thought. He's definitely going to be littered with bruises tomorrow, but hers are the only ones that matter.]
I love you enough to pretend I definitely need mouth to mouth from my favorite lifeguard.
[Because if they're going with the whole lifeguard motif, why not? He's silly, she's silly. It's amazingly freeing to know she can be as big of a dork as she wants with him and he won't mind.]
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no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 04:04 am (UTC)I'm used to it.
[she very cleverly doesn't elaborate what she's used to. Giving Jason opportunities to be a real jerk? Yeah, she is. Used to Jason's temper? That too. But what she really means is used to being scared of him. She's terrified of Jason, but she can handle it. ]
Next time he calls me a slut or something in the cafeteria, I'll give him a reaction. It's what he's looking for. And then maybe he'll leave you alone.
[But thankfully, she graduates soon. Then he'll be out of her life completely. It's only an issue for a little longer. And she can hold on for that long.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-25 04:22 am (UTC)That's... that's so. Fucked. Jesus. God, he's an asshole! You know, hope he walks crooked tomorrow. If anyone wonders why you can tell them I was hoping he'd be less of a dick if he couldn't feel his.
( anger isn't really the solution, but isn't it cathartic, sometimes? )
No, no... I mean. You can. But look, what if he snaps and you are on your own? No, we gotta... Robin, you know, my best friend? You guys could catch lunch together. Or you and I can skip and get McDonalds sometimes, or something.
I don't know. I don't know! Not yet.
But we can figure it out. We're gonna figure it out. You and me.
And Robin. Maybe? She's way smarter than me, Chrissy, she'd wanna help. I know she would.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-26 01:19 am (UTC)I don't want to make Robin feel responsible for helping me with my problems. But if you think she could help? I'll trust her.
I also won't say no to skipping sometimes to go somewhere with you.
[not that eating lunch really matters all that much to her. She's more focused on trying to just keep the peace until she can walk across the stage.]
Especially if you promise to act out how you managed to beat Jason up. I want to hear everything.
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Date: 2022-07-26 04:09 am (UTC)( plus, it means spilling all to his bestie, and while Steve can hold onto a secret that isn't his to tell... keeping things from his lesbian wife is just insanely hard. okay? )
I know she could help. And I know she'd want to.
We'd probably have to let her come if I'm buying you lunch sometimes, though.
( wife tax. it is what it is. )
I'll tell you everything, but I'm not sure it's much of a story. He said, we need to talk, and then we mostly just yelled, actually. And... yeah. ( plenty of punching and scruffing and grabbing and slamming each other around until Jason got a knee where the sun doesn't shine. not his best fight, nor his proudest moment, but Jason whimpering on the floor clutching his junk was pretty cathartic actually. )
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Date: 2022-07-27 09:47 pm (UTC)Maybe I'll punch him for you on Monday at school.
[Not that Steve needs her to do it. But she wants to do it. She can't help that she's protective when it comes to him. And he's obviously the same way when it comes to her. So it works out, she thinks.]
Robin can help me do it. And then maybe we'll go get McDonalds together and you can imagine all the stories she'll tell me about what a dork you are.
[Because with as close as he and Robin are, she knows there are some good stories.]
What have you told her about us so far?
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Date: 2022-07-27 10:44 pm (UTC)( half kidding, half genuinely concerned. would Jason think retaliation is some kinda sign??? she clocked me, she MUST still be interested! )
At least don't throw down with that loser without me, all right? Robin is the one you might have to talk down. She can be feisty.
As for stories, it'll mostly have to do with Scoops and the uniform. I'm warning you now.
I told her I was seeing someone. And then I told her that we were dating. She thought it was weird I said it twice, I think. But I couldn't just tell her why it was different then. We might have to now, though.
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Date: 2022-07-28 02:09 am (UTC)[Chrissy is hyper aware of the fact that it may come across like she was using Steve. And really, she hadn't been! Maybe they had been fake dating at first, but it was fun and they both got something out of the deal. It wasn't until feelings got involved and they fucked in his car that everything started to shift and change. Robin may not get it, not the same way they do.]
I just don't want her to think I don't love you or anything.
[She doesn't even realize she's said the l-word until after she's sent the text. And then panics because she really should've used the word cares!!]
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Date: 2022-07-28 02:56 pm (UTC)( when he'd told Robin he was dating Chrissy Cunningham, Robin said "aww". out loud. whereas when she thought back on him in his popular days, mostly it was with annoyance about his hair and how messily he ate bagels. Chrissy is the rare sort of popular that comes from being so nice, to everyone — Steve got there on money and looks, easy mode. Chrissy has earned her reputation for being one of the sweetest girls in school, there's simply no way Robin will be mad that she accepted help to try and get away from her creepy boyfriend.
Steve does hesitate, at the appearance of the l-word. it's not even that it's a bad word! it's that the last girl that told him she loved him decided it was actually bullshit when she was blackout drunk at a party. it's... it's not fair, to tie Nancy in with Chrissy, when they're not alike at all. and... and maybe she doesn't mean it like love love. right? so then... so then he can use it too. no big deal! )
She won't think that. She knows how much I love you. I talk about you all the time. She's got this new thing, now, if I'm talking too much about how cute you are, there's a girlfriend tax. I had to pay for our last trip to the movies talking about you too much. ( wait, so not the point. what was he talking about? )
If anything she'll be proud. This guy is a complete asshole that's been making your life a living hell, and you knew that when you left him. You did it anyway.
She'll be proud of you. I'm proud of you. She might say I was a total dingus for asking you to be my fake girlfriend when I was gonna fall for you so fast, but... I, uh... she might be right there, so.
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Date: 2022-07-29 02:48 am (UTC)Yeah, Steve Harrington just said that he loves her.
She knows how much I love you.
Chrissy squeals in absolute delight, hugging her phone close to her chest. Which turns to her falling back against her bed, legs curling and raising up enough that she can rapidly kick them in her excitement. She settles a moment after, but ends up raising her phone up with both arms outstretched.
She stares at the screen for at least a minute before she clutches the phone against her chest.
Her heart's racing when she finally is able to respond.]
You love me?
[Maybe that's not the smoothest way to ask about it. But she's so happy that he's said that she literally feels like her heart might soar right out of her chest. She's never been loved just for being herself before. Her mother's love is alway contingent on how pretty and perfect she can be, and Jason's "love" was always based around how fast she could get him off in the locker room or his car whenever he asked her to.
But Steve only cares about her for who she is, not what she could be. He fell for her because she's imperfect, and all of her issues go along so well with his. Sometimes it feels like she's half a functional person, but when she's with him it doesn't matter. Together they're whole, and anything feels possible when he's looking at her like she's his entire world.
so he's right. How can Robin do anything other than cheer for them to make it?]
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Date: 2022-08-01 12:43 am (UTC)she might think the l word is a bigger deal coming from him, since he's a guy? is he totally blowing this right now? oh god. he's overthinking this by a mile. just be goddamn honest, huh? if the question is whether he loves her or not, the answer is easy. )
Yeah. I do. I know... I know it's soon, I just... Yeah. I do. I do love you. Of course I do. ( he wants to say if that's okay and immediately deletes that. if it isn't, well, she'll just tell him. right? so... no. that's a little too pathetic, he can't say that. whatever love means to her, doesn't really matter. Steve knows what love means to him, and he knows that he loves her.
that part is easy. even if saying it feels like he messed up somewhere, like it's too soon or too scary or too much and he should have given her more time. to really know how she felt. when she's the one that said it first! yup, he's definitely spiraling over here. )
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Date: 2022-08-01 02:07 am (UTC)Okay maybe love isn't nothing. But it's not something that she ever wants him to question.]
It isn't soon. Because I feel that way too. I love you, and there isn't any rule that says how long you have to be together before you can say it.
[That doesn't feel like she's saying enough, really.]
I probably should've waited to tell you until we were in person. Sorry.
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Date: 2022-08-01 02:34 am (UTC)until an ill-fated Halloween party, and everything fell apart. and sometimes he tries to turn it over in his head, whether he just didn't understand, didn't get it, whether Nancy was too drunk to really mean anything she said. except she couldn't manage to say she loved him after she was sober, either. and then she ran off to god knows where with Jonathan. and then that was that, and the writing was on the wall. it's okay, Nance.
and then she and Jonathan were a thing, and that was just. it.
Steve knows he could just explain it, only. he doesn't want to explain it. honesty is the best policy, sure, but, how Nancy realized he was a shitty boyfriend and that she didn't love him anymore is not exactly Steve's favorite conversation topic. especially with a new girlfriend, who he's desperately trying not to fuck things up with. no, if he can avoid talking about it for now, he's definitely going to. )
No. No! ( dear god, if he can convince her of ANYTHING, it should be that she can say ILU any goddang way she wants. it truly does not matter, it's like catnip to him any possible way. ) No, it's okay. You can tell me however you want. I love you like this is good.
Not that you can't say it in person. I really want to see you, by the way. Can I see you right now?
( because while text ILUs are great, love it! awesome! also... what about in person ILUs? those are also just... great. they should try that. sometime. )
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Date: 2022-08-01 03:41 am (UTC)[She had felt a little silly wanting to ask to see him, and is glad that he's the one that initiates an in person conversation. So often it feels like she's clingy and smothering him, but then he surprises her by showing her that the things she feels and wants are normal. Or are normal for him, at least.]
I'm on my way over now. Are you at your place?
[It's likely he is, and she can just hurry her way over to that part of town on foot. Or he could be at his parent's place, which is just the neighborhood over from hers. That's less likely.
Or if he's not in too bad of shape he can just come pick her up off the street, and they can pull over somewhere quiet. A lot of their important firsts have happened in that car. This can be another one.]
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Date: 2022-08-01 04:24 am (UTC)because the more he thinks about the fact Chrissy loves him, the less he can remember why he was so worried about saying it. hell, even if things go crazy south and some day she doesn't mean it like she does now... she does mean it now. maybe that's enough. )
But I can come get you. If you want? You're at home, aren't you? Is your mom even gonna let you come out tonight? ( not that it's a deterrent, even slightly. Steve would just crawl in her window if she can't come to him. )
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Date: 2022-08-01 04:33 am (UTC)[Can he even manage to climb up and in? She isn't sure. But she's willing to leap out her window and right into the tree outside to climb down if it means getting to see him. He's said that he loves her, she's said that she loves him. And they really need to kiss and hold each other, and just spend time together.
Besides, her mom grounding her is essentially her last hurrah of exerting power over her. Chrissy's been dealing with it, but she's ready to ditch the punishment and just be with the guy she loves.]
But you probably can't climb up with an ice pack. I don't want you to get hurt worse, just so you can see me.
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Date: 2022-08-01 05:12 am (UTC)I want to. I can make it, trust me. I'll come to you.
( maybe they won't be able to get away with much, in her bedroom. turns out that is totally fine, as long as they can whisper three little words back and forth until somebody gets tired of hearing them. )
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Date: 2022-08-01 05:25 am (UTC)[She's just going to run and pile up her notebooks where she's written their initials in hearts on her desk so hopefully he won't see them. And she's going to run downstairs to say goodnight to her parents, saying she's exhausted after cheer practice running late. She knows they won't come check on her after that.
And then she's hauling ass back upstairs, so glad that her room is so far away from both the living room and her parents' room. Her window is unlocked and left open, and as she goes back to her bed she's sure to shove her few remaining stuffed animals onto the floor so he hopefully won't see those either.]
There's a trellis right under my window. Or you can take the tree. I left the window open for you, okay? Be careful!
[Because she knows he might be recklessly headed her way just so he can see her. It's incredibly sweet and romantic, and she thinks it makes her love him a little more.]
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Date: 2022-08-01 05:55 am (UTC)having to park a few blocks away slows him down, too. will his ice even be ice by the time he makes it through her window? frankly if he remembers he brought ice by the time he makes it through her window, it'll truly be astounding. it's kind of deja vu, to sneak around a dark house to find the right window. the trellis is too rickety for him, he's definitely not as light as he was when he clambered up the Wheeler garage. Chrissy might be able to climb down it, he thinks, if there's ever a reason she needs to sneak out. which is. not at all anything she'd ever have to do, ever! since she's such a good girl. but you know. just for future reference, he wouldn't have to worry about her, if she did. so that's good to know!
Steve takes the tree. it is awkward. but he manages. the first announcement of his presence is his backpack (and his likely half melted ice) clearing the open window before he does. the rest of him does follow shortly after, trying to be as quiet as possible when clambering through a window is frankly not a quiet process, even for someone smaller than he is. ) It looks worse than it is, ( Steve insists in a whisper, still only half in Chrissy's window but already prepared to talk her down from the dark purple of his face anyway. look, he really does just bruise too easily! )
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Date: 2022-08-03 01:39 am (UTC)Steve enters the room a few seconds later, and something that doesn't surprise her is how he tries to reassure her right away. It makes sense that he does, because it looks terrible. He doesn't want her to worry about him, so she remains rooted in place in her bed, even as she worries at her lower lip with an anxious nibble.]
Jason did this to you?
[The implication of her question is if Jason did this alone. Or if he had come with friends and they had all ganged up on Steve. Chrissy quickly ditches the idea of not worrying over him, and crawls forward to the edge of her bed. She's on her knees and reaches out to grab his hand and pull him in close. Where of course, she has to take her time really looking him over, fingertips gently trailing along the bruises and swelling that make her heart break.]
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Date: 2022-08-04 09:53 pm (UTC)Steve does not stop Chrissy from dragging him closer, wincing slightly at the touch even though he doesn't actually want her to stop. well, maybe he does, if only because fixating on his face is not actually what he came here for, actually. ) Hey, hey, ( Steve says, trying to draw her attention away from the bruises, catching wandering fingers in a hand with still slightly bloodied knuckles so he can kiss her palm. thanks, that's very nice! that she cares. about his dumb face. they can come back to that later. or never! because his face just is never going to be as compelling to him as the other thing they'd been talking about. )
You know, that thing... That thing you said, the thing you wanted to say out loud? ( Steve is being playfully stupid, on purpose, hoping that he can drag Chrissy out of being worried and back into the moment they accidentally had over text message. his spare hand curves behind her neck, leaning a little closer because even on her knees on the top of her bed, he's still got height advantage standing and it makes it easy to look at her. the strawberry gold of her hair, the bright blue of her eyes. even brighter right now, scrubbed down and soft for bed. god, she's so fucking beautiful, and she loves him? how'd he get to be so damn lucky? ) You could say it now, maybe, ( Steve continues, feeling the stupid smile on his face, because thanks Jason!! smiling hurts, right now!! ) I'm listening.
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Date: 2022-08-06 02:32 am (UTC)[She's just teasing, of course. Those three words are fresh in her mind, and she knows exactly what he wants her to say. His playing stupid makes her smile and laugh though, and she kisses at a bruise on his cheek before pressing another playful one to the tip of his nose.]
That's right! I remember now.
[Hands go to his shoulders, and she moves to lie back on her bed, pulling him down over her. With a smile that's nothing short of radiant, she kisses him for real. It's tender and completely heartfelt, not seeking anything more than sharing how she feels for him right now.]
I love you.
[her lips are against his, their breaths shared as she speaks.]
I love you.
[They're whispered that time, as she kisses at his chin. Her hand presses against his cheek but slips away quickly, not wanting to hurt him. Instead, her fingertips touch at his jawline, and her smile shifts into something entirely smitten.]
I love you.
[God, she's so lucky to have him. They're both lucky really, the way they had come together turning into something this good. There's times where she doesn't feel like she deserves it, with as imperfect as she is, but she knows that he feels the same way about himself. And maybe that's the beautiful thing about their relationship. They're able to build one another up so effortlessly.]
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Date: 2022-08-08 06:26 am (UTC)he's never... well, he's never had anyone kiss the ugly stain of a bruise on his face. it makes his stomach do this weird silly flutter, like he's a goddamn kid falling in love with a girl the first time he saw her in 2nd grade. he's too old for it, surely, all these bubbly funny feelings.
but apparently not, because then she says it, I love you, and it's like Chrissy just ramped all those bubbly funny feelings up to 100. Steve mumbles a delighted little sound, kissing her back as much as he can around the grin on his face, crawling in bed after her so he doesn't have to stop kissing her, even as I love you, I love you, I love you, the world's most perfect mantra, is murmured against his mouth. maybe later, he'll get in his head. wonder how long it'll last. for now, frankly, he's too giddy to hear it he doesn't have it in him to spiral.
Steve has missed being allowed to love someone. having someone that loves him back. of course he was gonna fall for Chrissy, sometimes Steve thinks he might have started before he could even really call her his. her strength, her kindness, her resilience, her smile — how was he ever supposed to not fall straight over, head over niked feet? Steve falls fast and hard, there was just really no way to avoid it. but Chrissy loving him back is the wrinkle he couldn't have anticipated, and what kind of idiot would he be if he tried to poke holes in something he wants so damn much? )
I love you, ( Steve mutters back, hand slipping up the angle of her throat and to the line of her jaw and pausing just to look at her. all the perfect parts of her, even though Chrissy doesn't see it the way he does. the sparkle of her eyes, the freckles that seem to multiply any time she's out in the sun. the sweet little smile with the hint of the world's cutest canines, the way she looks at him like something worth having, worth wanting. Steve smiles again, and he's got a catchup game to play, so, ) I love you, I love you, mmm, ( a lazy drop of his head to bring their mouths back together, and the last promise he doesn't even bother to pull away from her mouth. ) Love you.
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Date: 2022-08-15 01:57 am (UTC)She hadn't been expecting to have love surprise her in a relationship that had started out as an attempt to escape being put in a trophy case alongside Jason Carver's entire basketball and football record. Steve has constantly surprised her, has continually made her a better person. And when he tells her that he loves her now, she knows without any doubt that he means it. He's turned her into someone that's loved, embraces who she is without needing her to be someone else. It's the best feeling in the entire world, and she gets a thrill out of the way her heart races and skips beats.
Making a soft sound against his lips as he kisses her, she genuinely can't stop smiling. It's ridiculous, how someone's love can wrap around her and make her feel like she's flying. That boundless energy she's feeling now is turned to her focus on him, as her leg hikes upward and curls firmly against him.
With as athletic as she is, she can be strong in some situations. Given that she really wants to feel more of him, she finds herself able to move into a roll and flip them with him helping guide them once he feels her trying to shift their positions.
She's smiling down at him as she moves to straddle him, hands trailing slowly along his sides until she can press his hands against the mattress. Resuming her gentle kisses from earlier, she kisses along the bruises to his face, before she starts working a path down along his neck. Yeah, she thinks she'll leave a couple of marks for him to find later. He'll smile about them, she's sure.]
I love you so much it feels like I can't breathe sometimes.
[It's a whispered admission, her breath warm against the curve of his neck.]
And hearing you say it back, it feels like I'm drowning in you. That's weird, right?
[It feels like it might be.]
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Date: 2022-08-15 03:35 am (UTC)it's just that he doesn't have any problem with her rolling him onto his back. he feels the hint the movement of her thigh, and obligingly follows her lead. even if he feels a little too Seen, with his bright purple bruised eye, doing an unfortunate number on his charming good looks. he definitely did forget he packed an ice back in his bag, already, it hasn't even been two minutes.
how is he supposed to think about a bag of ice when Chrissy is pinning his hands to her fluffy bedspread, presses her lips to the sore run of bruises on his face? he just can't. doesn't begin to want to spare the brainpower. there's much better things to focus on, in this moment. )
Drowning? Can't breathe? This is a lifeguard's worst nightmare. ( to be fair, despite getting his certification like clockwork every year, Steve hasn't wanted to actually work as a lifeguard. too much pressure, lives in his hands. he already knows what that feels like. ) Is this where I ask if you need mouth to mouth? ( he's being, just so stupid right now. even Steve is aware. it's just hard not to be a little giddy. punch drunk on Chrissy's kisses and the warmth in her eyes, just for him. he feels like he has to add, ) It's not weird. It's ... it's a good kind of overwhelming. That we can say it, now. I don't think I'm ever gonna be tired of saying that. I love you. Nope, still not there.
( the only problem with this position is Steve can't reach Chrissy's mouth as easily, so he tilts to kiss at the wrist that his hand pinned to the mattress instead. kiss, and then nip. why not? he should 100% be more concerned with the fact her parents are just downstairs, but they're as forgotten as the ice in his backpack. )
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Date: 2022-08-19 01:01 am (UTC)As far as she's concerned, they're the only two here. They're the only two that matter in the entire world, and they're wrapped up in one another and the blanket of love that they've pulled over themselves. It's an absolutely perfect moment, and as her heart races she starts to wonder if it's actually possible to feel something so strongly and so completely that you cry.
It must be, because her eyes fill with tears, and she tries to blink them away before he can see. Her gaze is still just as warm as her smile, cheeks flushed. Her plan fails, because of course it does, and a few tears fall from her eyes and land on him.]
God, I just —
[There's no thought of being embarrassed. No attempt to shy away. Steve has seen her at her worst, and her best. And she likes to think that happy tears because they can't stop declaring their love is one of the best damn things to ever happen to her. They're both at their best right now, vulnerable and open and so caught up in one another that nothing else really matters.
Not even the bruises on his face.
Her mouth works another mark against his neck as she tries to think of the right word to finish her thought. He's definitely going to be littered with bruises tomorrow, but hers are the only ones that matter.]
I love you enough to pretend I definitely need mouth to mouth from my favorite lifeguard.
[Because if they're going with the whole lifeguard motif, why not? He's silly, she's silly. It's amazingly freeing to know she can be as big of a dork as she wants with him and he won't mind.]
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