OPEN.

[babysitters]

text • voice • video • action

Comments

howandwhen.

[babysitters]

Ha ha. Hilarious. This better be a "so hungover I feel like a zombie" dead, or I'm going to bring you back to life so I can lecture you right back into the grave.

bad news: the receipt was destroyed with starcourt, no returns

[howandwhen]

idk zombies seem pretty impervious to pain, I don't think they'd care about a hangover

not even an exchange policy??? rippppp

[babysitters]

Sorry, I forgot I was speaking to a zombie expert.

( HUGE AMOUNTS OF SARCASM. BY THE WAY. the mom friend in him is VERY wounded right now, Robin!!! )

So now do I get details about that very alarming text message? Do I have to kick somebody's ass?

trade ins could've been possible but the warranty's was voided by the russians

[howandwhen]

pretty sure you don't need to be a zombie expert for that

I woke up under my bed and somehow it was still perfectly made so the covers were hanging down and blocking all the light
so I thought I might be dead for a minute
but then after I texted you I could smell breakfast
immediately had to puke

guess they're stuck with each other then 😮‍💨

[babysitters]

I get this was mostly the hangover talking, but you probably can't text if you're dead.

Can we just make a friend pact to not use that word, ever, actually? Because I think that's perfectly fair.

( even if Robin was actually dying, Steve would rather not have her tell him the obvious, he'll be fucked up enough by that reality, he won't have to be told. )

😮‍💨 indeed

[howandwhen]

Hawkins: where texting after the death is unlikely but not impossible

Yeah, okay, I can definitely agree to that.

[babysitters]

Good. Deal. Done.

So why exactly were you go to sleep under your bed drunk last night and why wasn't I not there? Is it because I had to open this morning? It better be because I had to open this morning.

[howandwhen]

what other reason would there be?
I have no idea why I went to sleep under my bed
it was NOT comfortable

[babysitters]

I don't know. Hiding something you didn't want me to be nosy about.

( which would be meeting a GIIIIIIRRLLLLLLL, mostly. )

Maybe so your mom wouldn't notice? That makes drunk sense. Not sober sense. You not being in bed is something she'd notice.

[howandwhen]

I'm just going to take it as a compliment you think I could keep something hidden from you at this point

[ she could have managed it for a day maybe but there would have inevitably been a Panic ]

huh, yeah, that could definitely have been my logic

[babysitters]

I didn't say that you could keep it hidden. Just that you might try.

( if she WAS sneakin around drinkin w cute girls KNOW that he would find out!! might as well not bother, tbh )

I'm already your designated driver, but just so you know I have a designated couch if it's a get drunk enough that sleeping under your bed makes sense sort of night.

[howandwhen]

I could if I wanted to!

[ oh, how easily the argue switch gets tripped ]

Okay but see, if I'd called you for that it would've ruined the nice thing I was doing by being respectful of the fact that you had to open

[babysitters]

Uh huh.

( nothing to argue here, just knowing noises. brutal )

No, actually, it wouldn't have ruined anything, because I wouldn't have had to freak out for two hours straight about your untimely death because I could see you snoring on my couch before I went to work.

[howandwhen]

Whatever, I could be better at hiding stuff than you.

Okay, I can see a point there. Kinda feel like you could have also just showed up here and checked, in that two hour stretch. And also the odds are really extremely slim that it's even possible I could ___ without you there. (Does that sufficiently count as not saying it?)

[babysitters]

In general? Maybe. From me? No way.

( oh, Robin. it is cute that you think you could get away without him checking in on your health after a concerning text message. that was a very awkward phonecall with your mom, by the way. )

Hey. When you put it that way, it sounds more likely you'd keel over when I'm around. ( which is... technically true, but also, rude!!! )

[howandwhen]

In general, it's not even a question.

[ okay, yeah, she should have expected or realized he would do that ]

please briefly consider the percentage of time we spend together and then revisit whether or not you're offended by that statement

[babysitters]

( ew don't make him do MATH. except this is pretty easy math, he's with Robin a lot. )

Fine, I guess I'm not that offended. Just a little offended. Because you're definitely not going to ____ over my watch.

[howandwhen]

you're definitely just going to get mad at me if we stay on this topic

so let's find a new one

[babysitters]

Fine, fine.

You think you'll be too hungover after work hours for a movie night?

[howandwhen]

I'll power through so you can have visual confirmation that I'm fine, just maybe looking a little zombified

[babysitters]

( maybe he's not such a mom friend after all, because the true mom friend answer would probably be stay home and sleep it off. and instead, )

Deal. I'm still trying to decide if I'll obnoxiously eat something greasy next to you in payback.

[howandwhen]

[ nah, this doesn't diminish his mom friend cred. can't caretake as well from far away
well, maybe the revenge bit, but that can be chalked up to the 'friend' half ]

if I puke on you, it's your own fault

[babysitters]

Yeah, but it might still be worth it.

You believe in hangover cures? There's this grilled cheese from Roccos I used to get any time I overdid it at a party and still had to haul ass through practice.

[howandwhen]

No, I don't think it will.

I don't know if I believe in them or not but it's worth a shot

[babysitters]

Definitely worth a shot, because I get to eat it if you won't.

( win win, in his opinion 😇 )