( so Steve was kinda having a bad time right after waking up. it takes awhile for him to get back his own room after waking up next to the frozen corpse of a lady he feels personally responsible for. and even after that he sorta takes a wide berth from Cellar and Brienne, because — well, he already feels bad. maybe it's a little selfish, but he doesn't have the space to be okay about things. not right away, anyway. and for better, for worse, it does feel like he has to be. for them especially.
it isn't until after the meeting. but once his head is screwed on (relatively) straight, Steve does set out to find Brienne. he finds her with a plate of slop in front of her. which is great, it'll make it harder for her to run for the hills! Steve does have some residual mean girl wiring. it's handy when he's trying to force an uncomfortable conversation. he doesn't even have food of his own when he drops into the seat across from her. he's clearly here to Talk. )
The Seven what? ( what an ice breaker. please explain your high fantasy gods. )
the folks of the lonely fortress have a skewed view of brienne's table manners: she horks the vile offerings down as fast and aggressively as she possibly can, just to get it into her stomach. however, this supper is one she picks at. her posture stiffens, but when she sees it's steve who has taken a seat beside her, she pushes her plate over to him. she relaxes once more, and seems to answer him automatically, with little thought: )
The Seven Who Are One.
( ah, right. she has the unfortunate habit of forgetting how the crucible works, that her origin is unusual to many, and her mind is distracted now. but this is making sense, actually, given the way the meeting with the veteran sin eaters progressed. )
Do you pray? Is there a faith of some sort, where you come from?
( goddamn it. Brienne, there is a REASON he did not try for a plate of putrid food. Steve looks at it like a little kid being called upon to put back his broccoli. why is she doing this to him 😠he's here to force her to talk about their Weird Dream Vibes, not dissociate over a dinner plate!
maybe this is what he gets for ambushing her. he could just ignore it, but Steve is unfortunately compromised by quiet camaraderie of food sharing. the scarcity of the food only makes it even more effective. he picks up a stale heel of bread because that seems safest to try and choke back. even if it feels hard enough to crack his teeth, and the white dusting across the crust does not actually seem to be flour. he just holds it for now, though, because maybe she won't notice if he doesn't actually eat anything.
the audible capitalization clears it up, even though 7 in 1 sounds more like a cheap shampoo than a deity. Steve didn't know Brienne was religious, even though it kind of makes sense because she's all medieval and stuff. God was big back then. he shrugs at her question, not trying to be a dick, just to emphasize the fact his answer doesn't have weight for him personally. ) Sure. Lots of them. ( if he ever had any religious inkling, it died a long time ago. what kinda god let little kids be federal lab rats, or let eldritch abominations exist? not one he's interested in, that's for sure. ) So are we gonna talk about it, or pretend it didn't happen?
( she sighs, and certainly no one would blame steve for perceiving it as petulant. normally, she'd be able to gather herself better; she really should have stayed sequestered in her little makeshift sept. (but then, mayhaps she'd never have come out if she didn't force herself to follow her usual routine.) )
You wish to discuss whether or not we are... cool.
( the word all you young hip smallfolk from worlds that trap electricity within cords like to say. )
( Steve doesn't get petulant. he gets... tired? like she saw it coming and yet hoped they'd get stuck on the Jesus talk longer. Steve's brow lines a little, and wonders if he should have just let it go. let bygones be bygones. it's fine that you ran in the other direction when I tried to hold your hand. only she went out of the way to apologize, which means she's still chewing on it, and — in the interest of not having another situation like Quentin spiraling all the way to the worst possible outcome as he worried about it alone, maybe talking it out is better.
it's not the point but Brienne asking if they are cool is so funny and charming it makes Steve smile despite himself. he has a nice one, though they are usually trained for some social purpose. this one just happens. it gives away he is tired, too. )
We are cool. ( cutting that one off at the pass. not wanting to hold his hand is not grounds for friendship termination. if Steve can still find the wherewithal to interact with Billy Hargrove, Brienne is in the clear for awhile yet. ) I guess I'm just confused. What are you sorry for? You don't have to... hold my hand. ( it's embarrassing to say out loud like this. Steve hopes the locals aren't paying attention. he chews on the terrible bread just for the sake of distraction. )
( the bitch of it all is: she would probably thrive in the relaxed social scene that her new friends all come from. she failed to figure out how to float in the rigid structure into which she was born, but if she let herself she might be truly cool with these people.
she frowns, taking time to think. she has blundered somehow, and now... hm. )
An abrupt departure is unladylike.
( no, she already knows that's the wrong word. she barely looks like a lady, let alone beginning to explain to steve that a lady is a specific thing where she comes from. maybe he will mock her, and all will be as she expects it instead of confusingly cool and bewilderingly lacking in disdain and fear. )
I didn't wish to disrespect you.
( will that be enough? maybe she can run away again and just...... well, not ever worry about it actually oh look at that morbid bright side 🤡💀 )
( Steve frowns, and it's good the bread is so stale, because it takes forever to chew and buys him time. it's like the conversation is covered in strings, pitfalls, cobwebs. trying to peel them all back to understand is hard. her answers don't make sense. the more that he thinks about it, the less sense it makes. who was asking her to be ladylike? freaking out and leaving wasn't disrespectful, it was just... sad. the gap between their world views feels miles long. )
I think it's backwards. ( Steve sounds more like he's talking aloud than to her, all of a sudden. he pauses, coughing a little as he detects the powdery taste of mold at the back of his palette. Steve puts the bread down after that. hopefully this one bite is enough to show his appreciation of the gesture. he really thinks hard before he says more. )
Like, I'm the one that made you uncomfortable. I'm the one that should be sorry. ( so maybe... he can't decide they're fine, after all. Brienne is stubbornly trying to find something to fix it, like throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, what answer he can accept to get him off her back. and that ... that ... well, that's not how apologies work at all, actually. was he being an asshole about this, just now? reflecting back on how he ambushed her in a public space so she couldn't wriggle away before they figured it out... maybe. man. it's always one step forward, and two steps back.
Steve rubs the bone under his eyebrow, before flicking attention to Brienne. his stomach still drops out a little bit when he really looks at her, and ... her face actually seems worse than usual. what's that about??? he swallows. ) I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me why, I guess. But I feel like it's more than being ladylike.
( she must tend to this. if she truly means not to disrespect steve, then she must see this resolved. her eyes dart around the room at their fellow diners, cagey with how freely he speaks at this table.
her head shakes, but she doesn't speak to refute him or accept his apology either. and then, she does nod. she must be as truthful as she may be, now. she nods, because he is right about it being more. )
You only startled me.
( here, she decides she will rectify it, and shoves her chair back abruptly. she doesn't intend to make a fool of them both in public now. )
( startled? startled her how? Steve gets being startled. he even gets being scared by things that don't seem like they should be scary until they happen. what is scary about holding hands, though? because it's not like he grabbed her. she offered and he accepted. there's a puzzle piece missing, like somebody knocked it off the table on accident, and it doesn't matter how long he sits here chewing on it. he can't figure it out.
the scrape of Brienne's chair on the ground is like nails on a chalkboard. and speaking of being startled by things that don't seem like they should be scary, Steve flinches despite himself, even if he bolts up too. like they're in the middle of an emergency and he's already trying to follow Brienne's lead without being told. but... it's fine. the castle is as normal as it gets. terrible food and all. she's standing up because ... well he doesn't know why, but it isn't because she spotted a chainsaw murderer across the room and needs to make a break for it, at least.
he forces himself to relax. his brain chugs through processing her words, belatedly, because it was too busy being freaked out at nothing to do it in a timely fashion. Brienne will see when they click because his attention sharpens to really see her again. ) Wait, like... now? What about your food?
( dry, almost like she's making a joke? does brienne do that? look: she's a giant scary lady and the food is all rotten, steve. nobody is going to touch her shit, bro.
she leads him not very far: only to the first empty room she can find. she perches on a settee with little grace for a standard-sized woman but with the care and delicacy of someone who has probably broken a chair or two with the sheer magnitude of her weight.
brienne waits for steve to settle, whether that means sitting as well or not before she nods, like she's telling herself to get on with it. she's only got so much time left, and if anyone has earned her candor, steve has. )
I am not easy to look upon. Even before my disfigurement.
( she changes, now, suddenly: like she's doffed armor to reveal the person beneath the knight. where before she might avoid eye contact or hunch or try to diminish herself, now she is only brienne: a young girl who left home on her own to join a war for love. )
I know my customs are confusing to you, to those of you who hail each other with cool and are we good. Your Quentin of Ohio, he... he understood when I told him there are ghosts in my past.
( perhaps it will register with steve, too. she's learning that he isn't just a well-intentioned young man for her to project onto, finally. )
It is difficult for men to understand, I know. Ugly girls are not spared the expectations of their sex. And armor doesn't protect against all threats.
( that is not what he means, unfortunately. Steve looks guiltily at the mostly eaten rotten food, and hopes that none of the townies notice who left it behind. well... maybe they'll just assume he did it. he is on everybody's shit list for food hoarding. hopefully they'll just go ahead and hate him for food wasting, too, because he does not want Brienne to start getting half portions and rotten bottom of the barrel scraps. because trust, it is not a great time!
he can't force himself to eat it, though, and surely not quick enough to keep up with Brienne. because she clears out like a bat out of hell, and it is hard to keep up with her double sized strides even when she's not in a hurry. Steve feels like he has to jog after her like an excitable dog to keep up.
Steve feels on edge, and it just gets worse as they duck through too-long too-cold halls. when Brienne finally stops, he doesn't know what to do with himself, so he sits on the hearth of the fireplace, right there on the floor like a boyscout that got too cold on a hike. he hangs his arms over his knees and tries to listen. he has ye olde knight lady translator pulled up in his brain because he gets the sense he really has to Hear This, because it's Serious.
it's good that he holds off on talking. it is super uncomfortable to have a girl point out she's not pretty, and... well, it's true, Brienne is not a looker. in fact her face is quite scary. Steve feels guilty for thinking it because she's most certainly one of the nicer castle inhabitants he's met, but he also can't NOT think it, because what the hell even HAPPENED to her face? and expectations of their sex makes him think. marriage. learning to... embroider?? ride a horse with their legs both on the same side. look, he does NOT know what ye olden ladies are expected to do. he is a modern (read: 1986) boy through and through.
Quentin is a sharper tack, in a lot of ways. maybe Steve's view of a medieval high fantasy world is too romantic. maybe his world view of the world in general is too romantic. because it takes way too long for it to click. he genuinely needs all his puzzle pieces, including some really dusty ones in the back. like rolling his eyes at locker room talk about how Marcy Stevens had to put out, because otherwise nobody would ask her out at all. ) You mean... ( he says, and then stops saying, because ... he's not sure what to say, exactly, and specifics aren't the point anyway. he looks at Brienne, and then feels bad, and looks away. ) Oh.
( not exactly heartfelt or eloquent, but... there's a sad little lightbulb that went off there, yeah. )
( it isn't new for her to see the look in steve's eyes as he regards her and then hurries to look away like he's done something wrong by even observing her objectively. as if she hadn't learned to stare hard at her own reflection and accept it as it is.
and yet it always stings. but a familiar sting is oft easier to bear than that of the unknown. it is kindness that she fears and mistrusts. brienne doesn't know what to do with such a neutral response, because it strays closer to kindness than mockery. steve is a kind man, she thinks, if not a bit of a mess.
she shifts, the settee beneath her groaning as if to remind her that she does not fit. her hands fold neatly in her lap. )
You were kinder than I expected. Your actions match your words.
( which is... not fair to him, only rare in her experience. for all his cultural habits and expectations, hers will outmatch them: men are often cruel, and ignorant, and unwilling to change. they never take her seriously, and often she must prove herself with deed over word (and often those deeds terminate in their hating and fearing her even more). but he had not protested her or cellar accompanying him to the pit. she had waited for the mockery and laughter from him and quentin after he assuredly learned of her behavior when she and the latter danced together. he's even mostly stopped flinching when she moves too quickly.
no, steve is not that kind of man.
the fact of the matter is she would not be telling him any of this under normal circumstances. but it would sit wrong with her, not to try. not when she has made the decision she has. )
You are all strange in your way. It is difficult, at times, for me to bear the informality.
( when was the last time she was touched so kindly, in the expression of friendship and solidarity? brienne cannot say. )
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Date: 2026-02-07 07:44 pm (UTC)it isn't until after the meeting. but once his head is screwed on (relatively) straight, Steve does set out to find Brienne. he finds her with a plate of slop in front of her. which is great, it'll make it harder for her to run for the hills! Steve does have some residual mean girl wiring. it's handy when he's trying to force an uncomfortable conversation. he doesn't even have food of his own when he drops into the seat across from her. he's clearly here to Talk. )
The Seven what? ( what an ice breaker. please explain your high fantasy gods. )
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 08:22 pm (UTC)the folks of the lonely fortress have a skewed view of brienne's table manners: she horks the vile offerings down as fast and aggressively as she possibly can, just to get it into her stomach. however, this supper is one she picks at. her posture stiffens, but when she sees it's steve who has taken a seat beside her, she pushes her plate over to him. she relaxes once more, and seems to answer him automatically, with little thought: )
The Seven Who Are One.
( ah, right. she has the unfortunate habit of forgetting how the crucible works, that her origin is unusual to many, and her mind is distracted now. but this is making sense, actually, given the way the meeting with the veteran sin eaters progressed. )
Do you pray? Is there a faith of some sort, where you come from?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 08:54 pm (UTC)maybe this is what he gets for ambushing her. he could just ignore it, but Steve is unfortunately compromised by quiet camaraderie of food sharing. the scarcity of the food only makes it even more effective. he picks up a stale heel of bread because that seems safest to try and choke back. even if it feels hard enough to crack his teeth, and the white dusting across the crust does not actually seem to be flour. he just holds it for now, though, because maybe she won't notice if he doesn't actually eat anything.
the audible capitalization clears it up, even though 7 in 1 sounds more like a cheap shampoo than a deity. Steve didn't know Brienne was religious, even though it kind of makes sense because she's all medieval and stuff. God was big back then. he shrugs at her question, not trying to be a dick, just to emphasize the fact his answer doesn't have weight for him personally. ) Sure. Lots of them. ( if he ever had any religious inkling, it died a long time ago. what kinda god let little kids be federal lab rats, or let eldritch abominations exist? not one he's interested in, that's for sure. ) So are we gonna talk about it, or pretend it didn't happen?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 09:10 pm (UTC)You wish to discuss whether or not we are... cool.
( the word all you young hip smallfolk from worlds that trap electricity within cords like to say. )
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 10:11 pm (UTC)it's not the point but Brienne asking if they are cool is so funny and charming it makes Steve smile despite himself. he has a nice one, though they are usually trained for some social purpose. this one just happens. it gives away he is tired, too. )
We are cool. ( cutting that one off at the pass. not wanting to hold his hand is not grounds for friendship termination. if Steve can still find the wherewithal to interact with Billy Hargrove, Brienne is in the clear for awhile yet. ) I guess I'm just confused. What are you sorry for? You don't have to... hold my hand. ( it's embarrassing to say out loud like this. Steve hopes the locals aren't paying attention. he chews on the terrible bread just for the sake of distraction. )
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 10:25 pm (UTC)she frowns, taking time to think. she has blundered somehow, and now... hm. )
An abrupt departure is unladylike.
( no, she already knows that's the wrong word. she barely looks like a lady, let alone beginning to explain to steve that a lady is a specific thing where she comes from. maybe he will mock her, and all will be as she expects it instead of confusingly cool and bewilderingly lacking in disdain and fear. )
I didn't wish to disrespect you.
( will that be enough? maybe she can run away again and just...... well, not ever worry about it actually oh look at that morbid bright side 🤡💀 )
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 11:08 pm (UTC)I think it's backwards. ( Steve sounds more like he's talking aloud than to her, all of a sudden. he pauses, coughing a little as he detects the powdery taste of mold at the back of his palette. Steve puts the bread down after that. hopefully this one bite is enough to show his appreciation of the gesture. he really thinks hard before he says more. )
Like, I'm the one that made you uncomfortable. I'm the one that should be sorry. ( so maybe... he can't decide they're fine, after all. Brienne is stubbornly trying to find something to fix it, like throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, what answer he can accept to get him off her back. and that ... that ... well, that's not how apologies work at all, actually. was he being an asshole about this, just now? reflecting back on how he ambushed her in a public space so she couldn't wriggle away before they figured it out... maybe. man. it's always one step forward, and two steps back.
Steve rubs the bone under his eyebrow, before flicking attention to Brienne. his stomach still drops out a little bit when he really looks at her, and ... her face actually seems worse than usual. what's that about??? he swallows. ) I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me why, I guess. But I feel like it's more than being ladylike.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-07 11:49 pm (UTC)her head shakes, but she doesn't speak to refute him or accept his apology either. and then, she does nod. she must be as truthful as she may be, now. she nods, because he is right about it being more. )
You only startled me.
( here, she decides she will rectify it, and shoves her chair back abruptly. she doesn't intend to make a fool of them both in public now. )
I will explain. But not here.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-15 07:42 am (UTC)the scrape of Brienne's chair on the ground is like nails on a chalkboard. and speaking of being startled by things that don't seem like they should be scary, Steve flinches despite himself, even if he bolts up too. like they're in the middle of an emergency and he's already trying to follow Brienne's lead without being told. but... it's fine. the castle is as normal as it gets. terrible food and all. she's standing up because ... well he doesn't know why, but it isn't because she spotted a chainsaw murderer across the room and needs to make a break for it, at least.
he forces himself to relax. his brain chugs through processing her words, belatedly, because it was too busy being freaked out at nothing to do it in a timely fashion. Brienne will see when they click because his attention sharpens to really see her again. ) Wait, like... now? What about your food?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-16 03:20 pm (UTC)( dry, almost like she's making a joke? does brienne do that? look: she's a giant scary lady and the food is all rotten, steve. nobody is going to touch her shit, bro.
she leads him not very far: only to the first empty room she can find. she perches on a settee with little grace for a standard-sized woman but with the care and delicacy of someone who has probably broken a chair or two with the sheer magnitude of her weight.
brienne waits for steve to settle, whether that means sitting as well or not before she nods, like she's telling herself to get on with it. she's only got so much time left, and if anyone has earned her candor, steve has. )
I am not easy to look upon. Even before my disfigurement.
( she changes, now, suddenly: like she's doffed armor to reveal the person beneath the knight. where before she might avoid eye contact or hunch or try to diminish herself, now she is only brienne: a young girl who left home on her own to join a war for love. )
I know my customs are confusing to you, to those of you who hail each other with cool and are we good. Your Quentin of Ohio, he... he understood when I told him there are ghosts in my past.
( perhaps it will register with steve, too. she's learning that he isn't just a well-intentioned young man for her to project onto, finally. )
It is difficult for men to understand, I know. Ugly girls are not spared the expectations of their sex. And armor doesn't protect against all threats.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-19 05:13 am (UTC)he can't force himself to eat it, though, and surely not quick enough to keep up with Brienne. because she clears out like a bat out of hell, and it is hard to keep up with her double sized strides even when she's not in a hurry. Steve feels like he has to jog after her like an excitable dog to keep up.
Steve feels on edge, and it just gets worse as they duck through too-long too-cold halls. when Brienne finally stops, he doesn't know what to do with himself, so he sits on the hearth of the fireplace, right there on the floor like a boyscout that got too cold on a hike. he hangs his arms over his knees and tries to listen. he has ye olde knight lady translator pulled up in his brain because he gets the sense he really has to Hear This, because it's Serious.
it's good that he holds off on talking. it is super uncomfortable to have a girl point out she's not pretty, and... well, it's true, Brienne is not a looker. in fact her face is quite scary. Steve feels guilty for thinking it because she's most certainly one of the nicer castle inhabitants he's met, but he also can't NOT think it, because what the hell even HAPPENED to her face? and expectations of their sex makes him think. marriage. learning to... embroider?? ride a horse with their legs both on the same side. look, he does NOT know what ye olden ladies are expected to do. he is a modern (read: 1986) boy through and through.
Quentin is a sharper tack, in a lot of ways. maybe Steve's view of a medieval high fantasy world is too romantic. maybe his world view of the world in general is too romantic. because it takes way too long for it to click. he genuinely needs all his puzzle pieces, including some really dusty ones in the back. like rolling his eyes at locker room talk about how Marcy Stevens had to put out, because otherwise nobody would ask her out at all. ) You mean... ( he says, and then stops saying, because ... he's not sure what to say, exactly, and specifics aren't the point anyway. he looks at Brienne, and then feels bad, and looks away. ) Oh.
( not exactly heartfelt or eloquent, but... there's a sad little lightbulb that went off there, yeah. )
no subject
Date: 2026-02-19 02:17 pm (UTC)and yet it always stings. but a familiar sting is oft easier to bear than that of the unknown. it is kindness that she fears and mistrusts. brienne doesn't know what to do with such a neutral response, because it strays closer to kindness than mockery. steve is a kind man, she thinks, if not a bit of a mess.
she shifts, the settee beneath her groaning as if to remind her that she does not fit. her hands fold neatly in her lap. )
You were kinder than I expected. Your actions match your words.
( which is... not fair to him, only rare in her experience. for all his cultural habits and expectations, hers will outmatch them: men are often cruel, and ignorant, and unwilling to change. they never take her seriously, and often she must prove herself with deed over word (and often those deeds terminate in their hating and fearing her even more). but he had not protested her or cellar accompanying him to the pit. she had waited for the mockery and laughter from him and quentin after he assuredly learned of her behavior when she and the latter danced together. he's even mostly stopped flinching when she moves too quickly.
no, steve is not that kind of man.
the fact of the matter is she would not be telling him any of this under normal circumstances. but it would sit wrong with her, not to try. not when she has made the decision she has. )
You are all strange in your way. It is difficult, at times, for me to bear the informality.
( when was the last time she was touched so kindly, in the expression of friendship and solidarity? brienne cannot say. )