[ she wants to say yes. of course she wants to say yes. it's just that she can't figure out of she wants to say yes, she's okay. or yes, come get her. which is frustrating. she hates being alone, hates it so much. which is ironic, considering she's so goddamn grateful her parents finally decided they needed to leave hawkins for a while, took holly on a drive to michigan to visit her mom's sister for at least a week. it's a relief because they're safe there, but right now she'd give anything to sneak downstairs to the den, and "forget" to turn out the stairway light, so that her mom might wake up and might come down to find her there. make her tea and assume she's crying because of prom and graduation being postponed.
she pushes her phone so that it slides off her knee, because curling up into a little ball in the middle of her bed sounds like a much better plan than ..not doing that, at the moment. she presses her forehead against her knees, tries to force herself to make some kind of decision. but she's distracted, for a moment, by the stark difference between you don't have to be okay and let's just pretend. c'mon, wheeler, now is absolutely not the time for that.
she reaches for her phone, resting one of her legs flat on the bed again while she leans her cheek against her other knee. ]
I'm- [ she actually doesn't know the answer to that yet, somehow. shit. ] You have work tomorrow, don't you? Early? [ she doesn't know why she remembers that. but it- seems like a safe non-answer to give him first, instead of going quiet for too long. ]
( Steve can hear Nancy shifting around. he closes his eyes and tries to imagine her, like that's going to help him at all in making her feel better. it isn't, if anything thinking about her swamped in her lacy bed with the side table lamp still on, curled in on herself, just makes him feel weirdly worse. he really called it on potential superpowers. if he could teleport, Steve would already be there. )
Ten? ( which isn't astronomically early, admittedly, if not for Dustin. ) I've got to get Dustin to this thing at 8. ( which is kinda early, yeah. before Nancy can take that and run with it, ) But so what? I've made it through a shift on less sleep than this before. If I nod off on you, you get a free "I told you so". This feels like a win win for you.
( Steve doesn't intended to fall asleep if Nancy is still awake. ideal circumstances, they might both be able to catch a few more hours before life happens again. if not, well... he'll survive. he's gotten pretty good at dealing with not sleeping that well. it's not a good reason to go off to their corners to suffer through it separately. there's not much of a chance of him getting back to sleep with the knowledge Nancy is the only soul not sleeping on Maple Street. )
[ nancy just makes a grumpy noise at that, because it may be the truth, and it may be true for her too, but that doesn't mean she wants to contribute to it. but she kind of already set that in motion the minute she called him in a panic, didn't she? ( yes, she knows she did ) but. well. in the interest of getting her dumb guilt to just... go away, she knows her house is closer to dustin's than steve's, so. if he ended up here, that's like. at least eight, but possibly even ten minutes off of his drive? she's basically doing him a favor, saying yes.
god, she's such an asshole. she knows, she knows. ]
Okay, so we're definitely not going for a drive. But I do want to see you. If you're sure it's okay. [ a beat ] Do you think you could just... stay over? Maybe? To sleep. [ she sounds a little amused, but then she realizes it maybe sounded too familiar. to study. she turns her head so it's her forehead against her knee now, gently bumping against it twice. so. stupid. ] We could split the couch, or- [ another beat, but this time it's because she's actually trying to think of options that seem less vague on what stay over means. but she can't. she huffs, sniffles again. damnit. ] Wait. No. No, that's actually crazy, I can't ask you to- You don't have to do that. It was just a bad dream. And you're okay. I'm talking to you right now, I know you're okay. [ definitely still trying to convince her brain to accept that!! ] And I can just visit you at work tomorrow. Or something.
( she did set it in motion, uh huh. so she just has no leg to stand on, here, she can't push him away for his own good when she's the one who woke him up! or something. Steve sort of expects that Nancy will rally, shake things off, and tell him she'll see him later. and that's great, that she'd be fine. he's not sure he'd be fine, though, and he definitely wouldn't get back to bed. if Nancy wants him to wind down again at any point tonight, she almost has to tolerate his need to see her.
all the same, he's still pretty confident she will change her mind. and then he gets a I do want to see you, and Steve's heart does this dumb butterfly kickflip thing. even if it was the worst inconvenience in the entire world, it was already a lost cause. Steve was gonna say yes. ) Yes, yes I'm sure. I'm not sure your mom is gonna be sure, when she finds me on your couch tomorrow, but if we crash in the basement—-
( Steve stalls out when Nancy distracts him with how okay he is and how she can just see him tomorrow, actually. and for all the ways Nancy has changed, grown up, lived and learned and all that shit — some ways she's still the same. he'd pat himself on the back for calling it, that she might try and change her mind, shut him out, try to tackle it on her own. if it didn't feel so damn terrible, that is. Steve can't help the half frustrated noise he makes, pinching the bridge of his nose. ) Maybe I'm not okay, Nancy. You called me ( Steve doesn't want to use the c-word, like pointing out her emotions will make her double down on shutting them down, but the c-word was definitely happening. c r y i n g. he heard it! Steve waits a beat, finding a better word. ) ...Upset. In the middle of the night, from a fucked up nightmare that had to do with me. I want to see you. I don't want to wait.
( his tone tilts a little desperate at the end, there. it's just... he can see the door closing, and he's not close enough to stick a foot in to stop it. if it shuts then it's just shut. that's it. too late. Steve knows he can't make Nancy hold it open for him, he knows she thinks she's safer and better off, or at least less of a burden, if she keeps it closed. all he can do is ask and hope that she can trust him enough to leave a crack, just enough for him to sneak in. that's all he needs but at the same time, maybe a gap is too much. )
[ crying. she called him crying. and the way her vision keeps blurring makes it obvious she hasn't actually stopped crying, it's just... quieter. which isn't depressing - it's an art form she's perfected over the last few years, thank you very much. still. he's- frustrated, which makes sense considering she's being really fucking frustrating right now, and she'd argue that it's also very understandable because she's being just plain annoying, too - calling him this late and freaking out, then insisting she just needs to sleep it off - but he doesn't sound annoyed. she doesn't want to put a word to what he sounds like right now.
she almost puts her phone down again, like that actually puts the conversation on time-out or something, but instead she just stares at the little counter ticking the run-time of their call, and tries to pretend she doesn't also notice the actual time it is at this point. ]
My mom's not here. She and my dad took Holly to- [ who cares?????? ] It's just me.
[ ... although she has literally no decent excuse for why that was the first thing she felt the need to say, but the way it came tumbling out of her mouth makes her realize she's tensed up a bit more over the last minute or so. which probably just made her sound weirdly defensive, so, she's shoving that tone out with a deep breath. it's not actually steve's fault, it's not, but she's so... not used to him calling her out?? or even adjacently calling her out?? she's not used to anyone doing that, if she's being honest, but that's not the point.
the only thing that keeps looping in her head while she doesn't say anything is maybe i'm not okay, nancy, and it turns out it's because she's so tired of her own bullshit habit of fucking around with steve harrington's feelings, actually. her eyes blur again ( against her wishes!! ), and she squeezes her eyes shut just to get it out, wipes at her cheeks, destroying the evidence, huffs a breath. it takes an embarrassing amount of will power not to actually say stop crying out loud to herself. ]
( Steve doesn't know why that's the part that Nancy feels the need to comment on, either. unless she wants to make him feel even worse about this, and if so, success! it was hardly bearable with the idea that maybe she could crawl out of bed and make enough noise in the kitchen that Karen might come down and do that mom thing she does where she notices things are wrong without being told. now there's not even that on the table? no, it is intensely fucked up that he's supposed to just sign off and go to sleep and that's that.
Steve is trying to rally another impassioned defense of why he should get to see her at 2am, actually, only the words aren't coming to him. maybe its his brain, that still wishes it were asleep. or maybe he just. remembers how things were, back in the day. things would be wrong and Nancy wouldn't ever admit it. she'd close herself up in the bathroom or she'd close herself up right goddamn next to him, and that was just... it.
maybe it is not fair to assume that things would be the same as they used to be. Nancy isn't the same girl she was when they were dating, and Steve really does know that. he's not entitled to see her because he hates how this feels. Steve is trying to find some peace with the situation, when Nancy relents and breaks the silence with a request to come over. Steve hardly hears the please tacked on at the end. )
Yes, of course I'll — ( there's some fumbling, because he has to go from sitting up on the floor to getting the hell up and shit, this does mean he has to put pants on!!! true love, in action, honestly it is. ) I'll be there. Fifteen minutes? ( it's probably hard to understand him, huffed and breathless, phone clamped to his shoulder to kick into his excessively tight jeans that he just left abandoned on the floor like an animal. )
Steve. [ she can't help the way she says his name, sort of on a laugh, but it's that same shaky kind from before, even if she's calmed down some since then. ] Wait, slow down. I'm- [ no, she doesn't actually know his full thought process, all she knows for sure is that he was not okay with her backtracking on needing company ( ... well, needing to see him, specifically ), and that's enough to get her to clarify ]
I'm not going to change my mind, alright? I promise. I was being serious- It really would mean a lot to me if you spent the night here. At least until you need to go pick up Dustin. [ it actually means waaaay more to her than she wants to admit. but, like, she thinks it's fair and understandable, considering she's still afraid to shut her eyes for longer than a blink. ] So... maybe bring whatever you plan on wearing to work tomorrow? Although I guess you'll have time to change after you- Whatever. [ her borderline "ugh" of a grunt-sigh is directed 100% at herself, yes. god, out of context this is kinda bad. ... even within context it's a little bad. and some part of her sees that, but another part of her could not give less of a shit about what it looks like. ] Really though, you don't have to rush. Just get here safe. Okay?
I'm... slow, ( Steve huffs, sour that she can hear him scrambling over the tinny phoneline, probably hears the yanks of unforgiving jean fabric up past his thighs and the necessary w i g g l e to get into mercilessly tight jeans. look, he is only rushing to get clothes on (he needs more than pants, RIP to thirsty, somehow horny in the upside down, if looks could kill Eddie wouldn't have even made it to the bats, it's totally kosher to sneak long looks at your shirtless ex, Nancy Wheeler brain), and he will drive at a perfectly respectable, just a couple miles past the speed limit, to her place. he's going to get there faster than he really needs to, that's just gonna happen. but he's not gonna rush. there's some happy median between rushing and the stately pace he's going to set. okay? okay.
he really doesn't want to think about what he's wearing to work tomorrow, either. the same jeans he had on his floor from wearing yesterday and whatever he can grab first from his closet will be what he's wearing to work tomorrow, because that will be what he has on for the short drive to Nancy. )
I will. I'll stay. And I'm not rushing, alright? I'm okay, and I'm gonna be okay straight up until you see me. Do you... do you want to stay on with me, until I get there? ( he pauses a little, there, because he can move faster if he hangs up, objectively. but he knows how tensile it can be, that figment of feeling better when you're scared. he doesn't want to hang up and send Nancy back to that panicked dark place by herself, not when fifteen minutes is probably the fastest he can get to her without breaking the sound barrier. )
[ her brain might be trying to rebel against her with the nightmares and the not-sleeping-but-feeling-exhausted cycle, but it's hard not to smile as he huffs, because yeah, jeans are basically the loudest article of clothing in existence ( second only to parachute pants ), so of course she can hear him pulling them on. if she wasn't still feeling so precariously balanced between "i think i'm okay now" and "everything is fucking terrible can i please just cry for 2 days straight now?", her thirsty brain probably would have taken that mental image and ran with it, but as it stands, she finds it amusing more than anything else at the moment.
although really, it's the ..emotionally horny part of her brain that's leading the way right now, because she's so, so damn grateful that he's really coming over. grateful and relieved. even after being awake, sitting up in bed, and actually getting to talk to him for this short while, somehow the mental images of her nightmare just keep creeping back in to grab her attention, long enough to make her stomach turn and her chest ache. it's probably because she's sort of fighting against the urge to curl back up and sleep again, but, um. no. she will not be going back to sleep yet, no thank you. ]
Okay. [ realizing that steve's all set to leave helps her focus too, even if she doesn't answer him straight away because apparently his question does require some thought, so she's busy letting her cheek squish against her knee as she leans against it and sighs, while she does that. ] Nnh, no, better not. It's okay. Might make tea, or- something. But I'll be okay. [ probably. although she probably won't make tea, actually. but she might??? so. whatever. she sighs again, yawns, swings her legs over the side of her bed. but stops there because ugh, the floor is probably cold. getting out of bed is stupid no matter what time of day it is. but anyway- ] See you soon.
Okay, ( Steve agrees, and his voice might sound closer, phone pinned to his face and his shoulder as he ruthlessly decides yup, this sweater will do. who cares that it's this close to summer and he'll work all day in it tomorrow. it was the closest so he's wearing this. it had to happen eventually, that he wouldn't think much about what he's wearing, the ridiculous swoop of his hair. all that matters is having something on and getting to Nancy. the rest feels pretty immaterial.
he's not really a tea drinker, maybe iced tea in the summer. but Steve still has a few cheat codes for Nancy Wheeler, and one of those is she'll often find a good reason to give up on something she needs. insist she doesn't, actually, or, that something else is more important. unless, of course, it isn't entirely about her, anymore. a jedi self care mind trick. ) Make some for me, maybe, ( Steve says, tone a little soft. because there's no way Nancy won't know what he's doing. because he's done it before, even when it doesn't make any goddamn sense. I think I need a blanket, you cold? when he's not at all in the worlds most stupid reindeer sweater. she'll know, Steve just... doesn't care, if she knows. if it means she'll make the tea that might make her feel even a sliver more settled than she feels right now. )
Soon. ( Steve waffles a heartbeat, if there's anything more he should say. needs to say. he's not sure what it'd be, even though it kind of feels like maybe there is. ) I'll be there soon, Nance, ( is what he ends up with, in the end. and he's pretty goddamn slow to end the call, like Nancy might come up with something, before he hangs up.
in the end, he tries to slow himself down, as per request. not by much, you know? but. fine! maybe he won't wear yesterdays jeans and a sweater to work tomorrow this close to summer break. he spares finding another set of clothes only exactly as much attention as he needs to, to toss in his backpack. will it be the best he's ever looked tomorrow? no. but honestly, who cares.
Steve makes up for any time he loses dawdling with an extra set of clothes and finding a toothbrush by driving a few miles faster than the few miles faster he was already gonna drive. he's not a screaming blur across the back streets of Hawkins, though, he arrives about when promised. maybe a little later, even, which should make Nancy feel better. right? he slowed down and then some! or, shit, it could make her worse. fifteen minutes, he said, and it's rolling close to eighteen. eighteen is practically twenty minutes, and twenty minutes is practically half an hour. so if he's urgent in knocking, well... he just wants Nancy to be reassured that is definitely a Steve Harrington decisive sort of knock. that's all! )
Oh, yeah? [ there's a quiet lift her voice there, because yup, suggesting that he too might enjoy a cup of tea is a move that's more than a little transparent on his part. but, ironically, that somehow doesn't make it less effective, because she does actually take a moment to consider it. maybe he does actually..? no. steve doesn't drink tea. ..does he? shit, he really does have her number with that trick. what the hell.
she's tugged away from that dilemma by the new dilemma of steve doing the exact thing that she just told him he should do, which is just- he wants to get off the phone when he's about to drive to her house in the middle of the night? the nerve of him??? honestly? but no, while her hand is suddenly holding onto her phone noticeably tighter than it was a moment ago, and there is a protest right there on the tip of her tongue, she stops herself. it's better if he's not worried about keeping her company on the phone while he drives, it's safer. and she probably could stand to have a few minutes to try and find some sense of chill, maybe. soon, he emphasizes, and maybe there's something more to be said, she feels that too, but that actually helps all on its own. ] 'Kay.
[ staying right there on the edge of her bed with her phone cradled in both hands on her lap, just so she can keep herself awake by staring against the glare of the screen as she watches each minute tick by, probably isn't the best way to get herself together? but that's apparently what she's going with. and it's not the same as counting sheep, but it may as well be, because one second she's watching the screen and the next she's sucking in a drowsy breath after feeling her head drop forward suddenly. shit. okay. she's getting up. ... right after she reaches over to her little boom box, flipping pat benatar's tropico cassette back over to the A side again, once she realizes that was probably part of what allowed her dream to shift into a nightmare. the tape stopped playing too soon. great. noted.
from there she does actually get up, starting with putting on her slippers, and then she's headed downstairs and to the kitchen. because steve maybe wants tea. and you know what? he's driving all this way just so she can see with her own eyes that what she saw in her dream wasn't real ( don't think about it, don't think about it ), that he's okay, and that he's still in one piece ( don't think about it. ), so it's the least she could do. she doesn't turn on every light in her house along the way, but she very strategically made sure there wouldn't be any shadows stretched behind her as she went. it's fine. the other maple street residents who might notice all of those lights turn on one by one should mind their fucking business, actually.
by the time steve is knocking on her door, nancy's only had to talk herself down from crying twice, and she thinks that's pretty impressive. especially because the thought of something horrible happening to him on the way to her house was only the cause of one of those times. the second time was when she realized she never turned on the burner under the kettle. devastating.
it's very possible he'll hear her on the other side of the door before she actually opens it, starting with the sound of her pulling a wooden baseball bat out of the umbrella stand by the door ( karen insisted they keep it there, ever since the "earthquake" ). he might not hear her few steps on tip-toe as she peeks through the peep hole, but that was a pretty audible sigh of relief at seeing him there on the other side. she unlocks the bolt lock and the knob in a rush, and she maybe shouldn't immediately pull the door open as wide as she can manage without letting go of it, but she's so damn relieved that he's there that her chest actually kinda hurts. but it's fine. he's okay. the little step up into her house puts her at eye level with him, which means there's really no hiding the shine over her eyes that she can't seem to blink away, but.. that's okay. ]
Hi. [ who knew it was possible for someone's voice to crack around a simple, one-syllable word? nancy didn't, until just now. she feels herself sway the tiniest bit towards him, just enough to feel her weight shift onto the balls of her feet- but then her brow furrows, and she glances down. sheeeee definitely forgot about the louisville slugger gripped tight in her left hand, yep. when she's a righty. she's also a mess. ] It was. In case it wasn't you? Um.
[ she probably should have taken a moment to properly put the bat back where it belongs, but instead, she steps right up to the doorway and reaches out to drop it in the corner next to her without really looking, and wills it to tip towards the wall instead of clattering on the floor. except it didn't, and it did, and the sound makes her flinch, tensing up. and despite the fact that it was her own damn fault, her nerves are so shot that she still huffs a breath through her nose, eyes squeezing shut as her face ducks down, both hands balling into fists. it's almost as bad a forgetting to turn on the stove. frick. ]
Hi. ( it feels like the most lacking, half-assed answer to the e v e r y t h i n g that seems to be hanging in the air, right now. Steve has grown up a lot, since senior year. he has! is he that much better at knowing how to navigate these stifling, terrified silences — both of them all too aware of what could be lingering in the dark. back then Nancy had been determined to shine a light on all of it, like it'd be easier if they just knew. Steve had preferred to leave those ugly, vicious things where he couldn't see them. like things would be easier or safer or at least a little more normal if he just let sleeping dogs lie.
they're older, wiser and just so goddamn exhausted, now. looking danger in the eye has drained Nancy out, wrung her out like a sponge. Steve can't look away from it anymore, even if he wanted to. somehow they've met somewhere in the middle and yet he's still not entirely sure what to do next. tell her it's fine? it's not. tell her he understands? maybe he doesn't. they've all got their own separate pieces of this thing. adjacent, but never the same.
Nancy seems to be folding in on herself all over again, and somehow doing it right in front of him is even worse than pulling away or shutting herself in the bathroom. Steve catches her arms, not quite trying to drag them down to look at her, mostly just... testing the waters, what she'll tolerate. Nancy doesn't wiggle away so instead he pulls her closer. it doesn't really matter that her arms are a barrier between them, his arms can slip around her shoulders just fine. )
Hey, ( Steve says, stupidly, but fuck, what does he even say? maybe there's just not anything, here, not anything besides being there. and Nancy called him. she opened the door. she wants him here — that he can do, even if he doesn't have the words or the answers or even a hint of a solution. holding her like this makes him feel instantly better, weirdly enough, nose half tucked in the only barely tamed bedhead. ) I'm here. ( it's lame, it's absolutely obvious, no need to point that out. what's he gonna do next, tell her water is wet? tell her he hasn't stopped being in love with her, even though he knows he was supposed to? no, definitely not that last thing. whatever, there's something else obvious he can share. ) We're okay.
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Date: 2022-09-19 04:00 am (UTC)she pushes her phone so that it slides off her knee, because curling up into a little ball in the middle of her bed sounds like a much better plan than ..not doing that, at the moment. she presses her forehead against her knees, tries to force herself to make some kind of decision. but she's distracted, for a moment, by the stark difference between you don't have to be okay and let's just pretend. c'mon, wheeler, now is absolutely not the time for that.
she reaches for her phone, resting one of her legs flat on the bed again while she leans her cheek against her other knee. ]
I'm- [ she actually doesn't know the answer to that yet, somehow. shit. ] You have work tomorrow, don't you? Early? [ she doesn't know why she remembers that. but it- seems like a safe non-answer to give him first, instead of going quiet for too long. ]
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Date: 2022-09-20 12:59 am (UTC)Ten? ( which isn't astronomically early, admittedly, if not for Dustin. ) I've got to get Dustin to this thing at 8. ( which is kinda early, yeah. before Nancy can take that and run with it, ) But so what? I've made it through a shift on less sleep than this before. If I nod off on you, you get a free "I told you so". This feels like a win win for you.
( Steve doesn't intended to fall asleep if Nancy is still awake. ideal circumstances, they might both be able to catch a few more hours before life happens again. if not, well... he'll survive. he's gotten pretty good at dealing with not sleeping that well. it's not a good reason to go off to their corners to suffer through it separately. there's not much of a chance of him getting back to sleep with the knowledge Nancy is the only soul not sleeping on Maple Street. )
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Date: 2022-09-20 01:41 am (UTC)god, she's such an asshole. she knows, she knows. ]
Okay, so we're definitely not going for a drive. But I do want to see you. If you're sure it's okay. [ a beat ] Do you think you could just... stay over? Maybe? To sleep. [ she sounds a little amused, but then she realizes it maybe sounded too familiar. to study. she turns her head so it's her forehead against her knee now, gently bumping against it twice. so. stupid. ] We could split the couch, or- [ another beat, but this time it's because she's actually trying to think of options that seem less vague on what stay over means. but she can't. she huffs, sniffles again. damnit. ] Wait. No. No, that's actually crazy, I can't ask you to- You don't have to do that. It was just a bad dream. And you're okay. I'm talking to you right now, I know you're okay. [ definitely still trying to convince her brain to accept that!! ] And I can just visit you at work tomorrow. Or something.
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Date: 2022-09-20 02:35 am (UTC)all the same, he's still pretty confident she will change her mind. and then he gets a I do want to see you, and Steve's heart does this dumb butterfly kickflip thing. even if it was the worst inconvenience in the entire world, it was already a lost cause. Steve was gonna say yes. ) Yes, yes I'm sure. I'm not sure your mom is gonna be sure, when she finds me on your couch tomorrow, but if we crash in the basement—-
( Steve stalls out when Nancy distracts him with how okay he is and how she can just see him tomorrow, actually. and for all the ways Nancy has changed, grown up, lived and learned and all that shit — some ways she's still the same. he'd pat himself on the back for calling it, that she might try and change her mind, shut him out, try to tackle it on her own. if it didn't feel so damn terrible, that is. Steve can't help the half frustrated noise he makes, pinching the bridge of his nose. ) Maybe I'm not okay, Nancy. You called me ( Steve doesn't want to use the c-word, like pointing out her emotions will make her double down on shutting them down, but the c-word was definitely happening. c r y i n g. he heard it! Steve waits a beat, finding a better word. ) ...Upset. In the middle of the night, from a fucked up nightmare that had to do with me. I want to see you. I don't want to wait.
( his tone tilts a little desperate at the end, there. it's just... he can see the door closing, and he's not close enough to stick a foot in to stop it. if it shuts then it's just shut. that's it. too late. Steve knows he can't make Nancy hold it open for him, he knows she thinks she's safer and better off, or at least less of a burden, if she keeps it closed. all he can do is ask and hope that she can trust him enough to leave a crack, just enough for him to sneak in. that's all he needs but at the same time, maybe a gap is too much. )
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Date: 2022-09-20 03:31 am (UTC)she almost puts her phone down again, like that actually puts the conversation on time-out or something, but instead she just stares at the little counter ticking the run-time of their call, and tries to pretend she doesn't also notice the actual time it is at this point. ]
My mom's not here. She and my dad took Holly to- [ who cares?????? ] It's just me.
[ ... although she has literally no decent excuse for why that was the first thing she felt the need to say, but the way it came tumbling out of her mouth makes her realize she's tensed up a bit more over the last minute or so. which probably just made her sound weirdly defensive, so, she's shoving that tone out with a deep breath. it's not actually steve's fault, it's not, but she's so... not used to him calling her out?? or even adjacently calling her out?? she's not used to anyone doing that, if she's being honest, but that's not the point.
the only thing that keeps looping in her head while she doesn't say anything is maybe i'm not okay, nancy, and it turns out it's because she's so tired of her own bullshit habit of fucking around with steve harrington's feelings, actually. her eyes blur again ( against her wishes!! ), and she squeezes her eyes shut just to get it out, wipes at her cheeks, destroying the evidence, huffs a breath. it takes an embarrassing amount of will power not to actually say stop crying out loud to herself. ]
Come over. Please?
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Date: 2022-09-21 03:47 am (UTC)Steve is trying to rally another impassioned defense of why he should get to see her at 2am, actually, only the words aren't coming to him. maybe its his brain, that still wishes it were asleep. or maybe he just. remembers how things were, back in the day. things would be wrong and Nancy wouldn't ever admit it. she'd close herself up in the bathroom or she'd close herself up right goddamn next to him, and that was just... it.
maybe it is not fair to assume that things would be the same as they used to be. Nancy isn't the same girl she was when they were dating, and Steve really does know that. he's not entitled to see her because he hates how this feels. Steve is trying to find some peace with the situation, when Nancy relents and breaks the silence with a request to come over. Steve hardly hears the please tacked on at the end. )
Yes, of course I'll — ( there's some fumbling, because he has to go from sitting up on the floor to getting the hell up and shit, this does mean he has to put pants on!!! true love, in action, honestly it is. ) I'll be there. Fifteen minutes? ( it's probably hard to understand him, huffed and breathless, phone clamped to his shoulder to kick into his excessively tight jeans that he just left abandoned on the floor like an animal. )
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Date: 2022-09-21 04:23 am (UTC)I'm not going to change my mind, alright? I promise. I was being serious- It really would mean a lot to me if you spent the night here. At least until you need to go pick up Dustin. [ it actually means waaaay more to her than she wants to admit. but, like, she thinks it's fair and understandable, considering she's still afraid to shut her eyes for longer than a blink. ] So... maybe bring whatever you plan on wearing to work tomorrow? Although I guess you'll have time to change after you- Whatever. [ her borderline "ugh" of a grunt-sigh is directed 100% at herself, yes. god, out of context this is kinda bad. ... even within context it's a little bad. and some part of her sees that, but another part of her could not give less of a shit about what it looks like. ] Really though, you don't have to rush. Just get here safe. Okay?
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Date: 2022-10-04 01:21 am (UTC)he really doesn't want to think about what he's wearing to work tomorrow, either. the same jeans he had on his floor from wearing yesterday and whatever he can grab first from his closet will be what he's wearing to work tomorrow, because that will be what he has on for the short drive to Nancy. )
I will. I'll stay. And I'm not rushing, alright? I'm okay, and I'm gonna be okay straight up until you see me. Do you... do you want to stay on with me, until I get there? ( he pauses a little, there, because he can move faster if he hangs up, objectively. but he knows how tensile it can be, that figment of feeling better when you're scared. he doesn't want to hang up and send Nancy back to that panicked dark place by herself, not when fifteen minutes is probably the fastest he can get to her without breaking the sound barrier. )
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Date: 2022-10-04 02:16 am (UTC)although really, it's the ..emotionally horny part of her brain that's leading the way right now, because she's so, so damn grateful that he's really coming over. grateful and relieved. even after being awake, sitting up in bed, and actually getting to talk to him for this short while, somehow the mental images of her nightmare just keep creeping back in to grab her attention, long enough to make her stomach turn and her chest ache. it's probably because she's sort of fighting against the urge to curl back up and sleep again, but, um. no. she will not be going back to sleep yet, no thank you. ]
Okay. [ realizing that steve's all set to leave helps her focus too, even if she doesn't answer him straight away because apparently his question does require some thought, so she's busy letting her cheek squish against her knee as she leans against it and sighs, while she does that. ] Nnh, no, better not. It's okay. Might make tea, or- something. But I'll be okay. [ probably. although she probably won't make tea, actually. but she might??? so. whatever. she sighs again, yawns, swings her legs over the side of her bed. but stops there because ugh, the floor is probably cold. getting out of bed is stupid no matter what time of day it is. but anyway- ] See you soon.
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Date: 2022-10-04 04:51 am (UTC)he's not really a tea drinker, maybe iced tea in the summer. but Steve still has a few cheat codes for Nancy Wheeler, and one of those is she'll often find a good reason to give up on something she needs. insist she doesn't, actually, or, that something else is more important. unless, of course, it isn't entirely about her, anymore. a jedi self care mind trick. ) Make some for me, maybe, ( Steve says, tone a little soft. because there's no way Nancy won't know what he's doing. because he's done it before, even when it doesn't make any goddamn sense. I think I need a blanket, you cold? when he's not at all in the worlds most stupid reindeer sweater. she'll know, Steve just... doesn't care, if she knows. if it means she'll make the tea that might make her feel even a sliver more settled than she feels right now. )
Soon. ( Steve waffles a heartbeat, if there's anything more he should say. needs to say. he's not sure what it'd be, even though it kind of feels like maybe there is. ) I'll be there soon, Nance, ( is what he ends up with, in the end. and he's pretty goddamn slow to end the call, like Nancy might come up with something, before he hangs up.
in the end, he tries to slow himself down, as per request. not by much, you know? but. fine! maybe he won't wear yesterdays jeans and a sweater to work tomorrow this close to summer break. he spares finding another set of clothes only exactly as much attention as he needs to, to toss in his backpack. will it be the best he's ever looked tomorrow? no. but honestly, who cares.
Steve makes up for any time he loses dawdling with an extra set of clothes and finding a toothbrush by driving a few miles faster than the few miles faster he was already gonna drive. he's not a screaming blur across the back streets of Hawkins, though, he arrives about when promised. maybe a little later, even, which should make Nancy feel better. right? he slowed down and then some! or, shit, it could make her worse. fifteen minutes, he said, and it's rolling close to eighteen. eighteen is practically twenty minutes, and twenty minutes is practically half an hour. so if he's urgent in knocking, well... he just wants Nancy to be reassured that is definitely a Steve Harrington decisive sort of knock. that's all! )
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Date: 2022-10-06 03:59 am (UTC)she's tugged away from that dilemma by the new dilemma of steve doing the exact thing that she just told him he should do, which is just- he wants to get off the phone when he's about to drive to her house in the middle of the night? the nerve of him??? honestly? but no, while her hand is suddenly holding onto her phone noticeably tighter than it was a moment ago, and there is a protest right there on the tip of her tongue, she stops herself. it's better if he's not worried about keeping her company on the phone while he drives, it's safer. and she probably could stand to have a few minutes to try and find some sense of chill, maybe. soon, he emphasizes, and maybe there's something more to be said, she feels that too, but that actually helps all on its own. ] 'Kay.
[ staying right there on the edge of her bed with her phone cradled in both hands on her lap, just so she can keep herself awake by staring against the glare of the screen as she watches each minute tick by, probably isn't the best way to get herself together? but that's apparently what she's going with. and it's not the same as counting sheep, but it may as well be, because one second she's watching the screen and the next she's sucking in a drowsy breath after feeling her head drop forward suddenly. shit. okay. she's getting up. ... right after she reaches over to her little boom box, flipping pat benatar's tropico cassette back over to the A side again, once she realizes that was probably part of what allowed her dream to shift into a nightmare. the tape stopped playing too soon. great. noted.
from there she does actually get up, starting with putting on her slippers, and then she's headed downstairs and to the kitchen. because steve maybe wants tea. and you know what? he's driving all this way just so she can see with her own eyes that what she saw in her dream wasn't real ( don't think about it, don't think about it ), that he's okay, and that he's still in one piece ( don't think about it. ), so it's the least she could do. she doesn't turn on every light in her house along the way, but she very strategically made sure there wouldn't be any shadows stretched behind her as she went. it's fine. the other maple street residents who might notice all of those lights turn on one by one should mind their fucking business, actually.
by the time steve is knocking on her door, nancy's only had to talk herself down from crying twice, and she thinks that's pretty impressive. especially because the thought of something horrible happening to him on the way to her house was only the cause of one of those times. the second time was when she realized she never turned on the burner under the kettle. devastating.
it's very possible he'll hear her on the other side of the door before she actually opens it, starting with the sound of her pulling a wooden baseball bat out of the umbrella stand by the door ( karen insisted they keep it there, ever since the "earthquake" ). he might not hear her few steps on tip-toe as she peeks through the peep hole, but that was a pretty audible sigh of relief at seeing him there on the other side. she unlocks the bolt lock and the knob in a rush, and she maybe shouldn't immediately pull the door open as wide as she can manage without letting go of it, but she's so damn relieved that he's there that her chest actually kinda hurts. but it's fine. he's okay. the little step up into her house puts her at eye level with him, which means there's really no hiding the shine over her eyes that she can't seem to blink away, but.. that's okay. ]
Hi. [ who knew it was possible for someone's voice to crack around a simple, one-syllable word? nancy didn't, until just now. she feels herself sway the tiniest bit towards him, just enough to feel her weight shift onto the balls of her feet- but then her brow furrows, and she glances down. sheeeee definitely forgot about the louisville slugger gripped tight in her left hand, yep. when she's a righty. she's also a mess. ] It was. In case it wasn't you? Um.
[ she probably should have taken a moment to properly put the bat back where it belongs, but instead, she steps right up to the doorway and reaches out to drop it in the corner next to her without really looking, and wills it to tip towards the wall instead of clattering on the floor. except it didn't, and it did, and the sound makes her flinch, tensing up. and despite the fact that it was her own damn fault, her nerves are so shot that she still huffs a breath through her nose, eyes squeezing shut as her face ducks down, both hands balling into fists. it's almost as bad a forgetting to turn on the stove. frick. ]
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Date: 2022-11-06 02:10 am (UTC)they're older, wiser and just so goddamn exhausted, now. looking danger in the eye has drained Nancy out, wrung her out like a sponge. Steve can't look away from it anymore, even if he wanted to. somehow they've met somewhere in the middle and yet he's still not entirely sure what to do next. tell her it's fine? it's not. tell her he understands? maybe he doesn't. they've all got their own separate pieces of this thing. adjacent, but never the same.
Nancy seems to be folding in on herself all over again, and somehow doing it right in front of him is even worse than pulling away or shutting herself in the bathroom. Steve catches her arms, not quite trying to drag them down to look at her, mostly just... testing the waters, what she'll tolerate. Nancy doesn't wiggle away so instead he pulls her closer. it doesn't really matter that her arms are a barrier between them, his arms can slip around her shoulders just fine. )
Hey, ( Steve says, stupidly, but fuck, what does he even say? maybe there's just not anything, here, not anything besides being there. and Nancy called him. she opened the door. she wants him here — that he can do, even if he doesn't have the words or the answers or even a hint of a solution. holding her like this makes him feel instantly better, weirdly enough, nose half tucked in the only barely tamed bedhead. ) I'm here. ( it's lame, it's absolutely obvious, no need to point that out. what's he gonna do next, tell her water is wet? tell her he hasn't stopped being in love with her, even though he knows he was supposed to? no, definitely not that last thing. whatever, there's something else obvious he can share. ) We're okay.